Just Give Me A Chance
by Angellufy
Summary: AU: no vamps or slayers. Buffy is a fashion editor and Angel is a photographer. They meet in a party. Drama, angst and romance. BA happy ending, of course.


**Just Give Me A Chance**

This is my first AU fic. No vamps or slayers.

Buffy's past and Brendan history are real life events with some modifications.

Words between * are thoughts; if in italic it is the inner voice.

Drama and angst ahead… a lot… some tissue are needed. I think… at least if you are emotional like me.

B/A happy ending!

**Chapter 1**

The doors to the thirteenth floor of the _Fashion_ magazine building opened and she walked in. Buffy was wearing a black dress with a brown lace around her waist and Prada black boots. Her hazel eyes were highlighted with black makeup. Although beautiful, she seemed not to know her effect over every male around.

- Hi, Harmony.

- Oh. Hi, Buffy.

- Anyone called?

- No.

- And Gisele?

- She is already down in the studio trying her makeup. She said she wanted to talk to you.

Buffy turned around and went to the studio. After the small talk with the famous Brazilian model, she came back.

- Harm… please. If anyone call just say that…

- You are in a reunion discussion the new volume.

- Yes. Thanks Harm.

- Do not forget the photographer will be here in forty-five minutes.

Buffy left the beautiful waiting room to go to her office. Although, she could fake so perfectly her happiness to the others, today was not one of the days she was willing to do it. She just wanted to be away for a while to nurse her own pain. As much as she loved her two close friends, Willow and Xander, and the others, she did not want anyone asking questions about her brood mood today.

She was looking people doing their business outside from her window. People who had a life even if with some problems in it. She asked herself if there was someone outside so in pain as her. Probably. Today was the day… the day four years before that ended her dreams, her last dream. She felt the tears coming, but she could not let them fall. If she did, she would not be able to stop. The only thing she wanted was to be in her home, her bed, wrapped in blankets with a cappuccino in one hand and tissue paper in other while she cried out her pain. However, she could not.

- Buffy. It is time.

It was the voice from her secretary through the speakerphone. Forty-five minutes after her arrival she put on her best smile and went to the session. The new photographer was really good as she was told. Although he worked with many supermodel and celebrities, she knew he was not as demanding as many famous ones out there. It was the professional type.

**Chapter 2**

- Cordelia, I'm going so I won't be late.

- Ok, Angel… Uh, Darla called again. Didn't you two break up again? Why does she keep calling you?

Darla was the actress of the moment in Hollywood. After her Golden Globe as best supporting actress**,** she received many scripts. She and Angel met in one of her picture sessions for _Vogue_ and dated for a while. The woman was insanely jealous of him. She had made one scandal after other in parties because some woman pretty much looked at his direction.

Well, it was really hard not to look at him, since he was 6'3", had spiked brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, broad shoulders and a muscular chest.

- No. We didn't break only. We are finished.

- Oh. Ok!

- If she calls, tell her I'm going to go on with my promise.

- What promise?

Cordelia was curious.

- She knows.

Thirty minutes later, Angel arrived in the _Fashion_ magazine building in Manhattan. Even having time, he was in a hurry to get to his destiny. He did not like to be late and he wanted to see her again. He did not see the appreciative looks of the women in his way. He was told he should go directly to the main office because the editor-in-chief of the magazine liked to give the welcome to all employees.

- Hi. I'm Angel O'Connor.

He talked to the woman sat in the desk in front of Ms. Summer's office, but was poked from behind.

- Oh, Mr. O'Connor. I'm Willow Rosenberg, Ms. Summers associate. Please come with me to the studio. Gisele is already here.

*Wow! He is damn handsome! He and Buffy would be a really nice pair. I can't wait to see if there will be sparks when they see each other*.

Willow knew Buffy for a long time and after her relationship with Brendan, which ended four years ago, she saw her friend withdraw from any personal relationship with men, except their friendship with Xander, which was because she knew Xander would not try anything since he was happily in love and married to Anya.

- Thank you, Ms…

- Oh, no. Please call me Willow. We aren't formal around here. Buffy is there already. Angel, isn't?

- Yes. Thank you, Willow.

The magazine was famous due to its selective policy: no gossips about the life of celebrities, the good taste for fashion news and information for all kinds of women. It was a sophisticated magazine that everyone could read, not only the wealthy, but also the everyday woman who wanted to know about a cheap and good shampoo for her hair type.

Angel's mouth dropped when he saw the studio. It was impressive. Big and high so they could manipulate light quite well to simulate any condition. He held a breath when he saw her standing in the other side of the room talking to Gisele Bundchen.

When she saw them, she motioned for them to approach.

- Hi. Angel I presume.

They shook hands.

Willow was looking closely to the exchange of pleasantries. He was definitely completely interested in her friend. She could also tell Buffy was impressed with the man in front of her. She was avoiding looking at him directly. A good sign.

- I hope you like working here. I think you and Gisele worked together before.

- Thank you. Ms. Summers. Yes, we worked together. Hi, Gi.

- Hi, Angel. How are you?

- I'm fine. Let's start?

- Well, Angel. Here are the people you will be working with. They are experienced with this set, so you can tell them what you want and they will found a way to make the magic happen. And please call me Buffy.

**Chapter 3**

Since the crew already had the instructions for the session, much of the set was ready and needing only his direction about the lightning and such. Buffy watched while he directed the model around, as well as the crew and understood why every editor-in-chief in the country was fighting to have him in their magazine. Unbeknownst to her, Willow was looking at her. It was pretty much obvious that Buffy was hot for the photographer.

Buffy could not believe. It was the same man she saw at the Redemption Ball. She was not supposed to go, but little Steve decided to come to this world a little early and Willow was in the hospital. She went to represent the magazine. At some point, she felt as someone was looking at her and looked around. He was in the other side of the room and it would have been impossible not to see him because he was taller than most men around. Their eyes locked for a while and she felt as there was nobody there with them. It was hypnotizing, but she remembered her promise a long time ago. She broke the contact and left the place immediately. For some reason, she felt emotionally menaced and she didn't like it. Now what? She could not just fire the man. He was good at his job, one of the best at the moment. Well, she would have to review her own policy of not seeing whom she was employing.

- He is hot, huh?

- Who?

- Buffy, don't play dumb blonde with me. Angel. He seems to feel for a certain blonde we both know. He looks at you when he thinks you are not looking.

- Oh, Willow. You know I don't lose my time with men anymore.

- Don't look… he is looking right now. Buffy, are you running from my question?

- Yes. Willow. He is a hottie, but I'm not interested. I can't. I won't.

Buffy responded with annoyance in her voice.

- Buffy. You can't keep running from love forever, you know.

- Yeah... because it sure did a lot of good things for me.

Buffy gave a sarcastic laugh.

- I made a promise to myself after Brendan and I won't break it.

- What happened with Brendan? Something more happened, didn't?

- Willow. I don't want to talk about the past. The past is in the past and Brendan is not something I'm really proud. There was a price to be paid to be with him. I paid it and much more. I learned the lesson. Love is just not good for me.

- You can't spend the rest of your life alone, Buffy.

- Willow, I already spent thirty years of my life alone. I'm used to it. Will… don't think for a moment that just because you have a wonderful husband and family that it applies to everyone else. Just for the record… it doesn't.

Buffy turned around and left. Willow was sorry for her friend. Something really bad must have happened back there. She and Xander saw how much the break up with Brendan took on Buffy. Only now, she started to think that something more happened. Maybe she was not a good friend as she thought.

**Chapter 4**

Buffy was tired. The only thing she wanted was to go home and cry. This day every year was her living nightmare. It was always difficult, but today was worst. After four years, she was feeling shaken again by attraction to a man. She didn't like it. She looked to the clock to see the seven being reached by one of the pointer. Time to go home for a long weekend. She could study the pictures and read the cover news on Monday.

She entered the elevator and waited the door to close. She wanted so much to cry that she almost gave in to it there, but the door opened again in the floor below. Angel stepped in the elevator.

*Oh, please! Not now. Why didn't he pick other elevator?*

- Hi. Ms. Summers.

- Buffy, please. We are not…

- … formal. Yeah… Willow told me. It is just difficult. I've never worked in an environment so simple and informal. It is nice to avoid all the unnecessary pleasantries and talk to people normally.

- Thank you. That is the spirit here. Then you liked you first d…

Buffy didn't finished what she was going to say because the elevator stopped and every light in it went out.

- Oh no! Not now! Not when I'm going home!

- Buffy. Are you ok?

- NO. I'M NOT!

After a moment, she talked again. Her voice was shaken as if she was crying.

- I'm sorry, Angel. I… I don't like small places and today is not a good day for me. I didn't have the right to throw it at you.

- No. That's ok. My younger sister has claustrophobia. I can understand. Are you… crying?

- I… It's nothing. Just a bad day, that's all.

Angel left his side of the elevator and tried to reach her in the dark. She was crying, but no sound could be heard. He didn't like it. He ended finding her and without thinking too much he brought her near him and wrapped her in his arms. She didn't offer any resistance.

After a while, his shirt was soaked with her tears, but she still didn't make any sound. It was frightening because it was a sign she had bottled a lot inside. He just could not think of what could cause such a breakdown to a beautiful woman like her, but surely, it was something terrible.

Suddenly the lights flicked and turned on again and the elevator started to move. She didn't move from his embrace and he didn't want to. When they arrived in the garage, he didn't know what to do. She was still cradled in his arms and seemed lost in her own world. He decided they could not be in the elevator forever and it would be difficult for her to be seen in that position. So, he just carried her up to his car. He managed to open the door and tried to put her in the passenger seat, but she held to his neck.

- Buffy. Can you hear me?

She shook her head affirmatively.

- I need you to tell me what you want to do. I'll put you in the passenger seat. You'll be safe.

- Home.

- Where do you live?

- Address… Purse.

**Chapter 5**

She looked through the window while he drove to her home in Newark. He tried to touch her, but she recoiled in her place, afraid she would cling to him again. When they arrived at her home, she seemed still lost. Angel was surprised she didn't live in an apartment in Manhattan, but in a condo in Newark. He stopped in its entrance to talk with the security guard.

- Hi. I'm with Ms. Summers. She is a little sick. Can you please point the direction to her house?

The security guard saw Buffy sat in the car and gave him the direction, which Angel followed. He was impressed again when he arrived at her house. It was beautiful and big. Too big for someone living alone. He left the car and went to open the door for her. She just looked at him with pleading eyes. He never saw so much pain in someone. He helped her out of his car and walked her to the house entrance where she picked up the keys in the purse and opened the door. She looked around her living room and started to cry silently again.

- Ms. Sum… Buffy... Do you need me? I mean… I can stay with you if you need something.

He really didn't want to leave her alone, but he couldn't just stay in her house without her consent. They just really met today. He felt something near happiness when he saw her shook her head yes. She spoke more than two words for the first time since they left their work building.

- If… if you don't have anything to do… I.. I don't want to be alone.

Somewhere in her head Buffy was hearing screams to make him go way, but a part of her wanted comfort today and for some reason she felt… and she was feeling for the first time in so long… that he was there for her.

For Angel she seemed frail and vulnerable while there in her living room curled in the couch. He wanted to hold her again, but he didn't want to do anything to hurt her. He knew she didn't have lunch because he heard Willow discussing with her about eating and her saying she was not hungry.

- I'll stay. Do you want to eat something? I can cook if you show me where your kitchen is.

She pointed out her kitchen and he left. He found she had a good assortment of food stored. When he came back to her, she was still curled in the couch, but no tears were seen.

Buffy thought he looked nothing but gorgeous carrying the tray with some sandwich and milk. She didn't want to eat, but she had or she would wake up with a terrible headache.

When Angel came back from the kitchen after cleaning the dishes, he found her sleeping. For a moment, he just kept staring at the woman that got him captivated in a party almost four months ago. Back there he didn't want to go, but Darla insisted saying it would be good for him since he was a raising photographer. She wanted to promote herself a little more after the Golden Globe and him. He had had a rough day and the only thing he wanted was to stay at home drinking wine and hearing Barry Manilow. Ironically, he had to thank Darla because two good things happened to him that night. He finally broke up with her and he saw Buffy for the first time.

**Chapter 6**

It all started with Darla whining at him to go to the party. He agreed. She was, as always, magnificent in a blue dress and high heel sandals combining with gold jewelry and a really strong perfume that he didn't like, her blonde hair in a sophisticated knot. They walked around a little talking with models, stylists and artists who were there. At some point Angel excused himself from Darla and went to the bar so he could get away from her and her strong perfume for a while. He was about to go down a set of steps and decided to turn around. It was then that he saw Buffy.

She was standing in the other side of the room near the doors to the balcony. She was talking with an old man, but for some reason she seemed alone. She was beautiful. She was dressed with a green dress and was using silver jewelry. He tried to decide the color of her eyes, but it was difficult from the distance he was. Her curly blonde hair was cascading down to the middle of her back. She had an aura of sweetness, grace and power. She was an angel… a real one as far as he was concerned.

Although unknown to her, he and some men in the room could not take their eyes off her. He couldn't take his eyes off her and after some time it seemed she felt his gaze because she turned around searching the room. When her gaze found him, they stared at each other for just seconds and the world seemed to disappear around him. She broke the eye contact and left to the crowd.

Angel finally left his trance and went to the bar. There he found Wesley Wyndham-Pryce and his wife Fred. Wesley was the chief of the security staff for the event and an old friend of Angel. Wesley left for a while, but Angel kept talking with Fred. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Darla punched his arm. He turned around to see her throwing daggers at Fred.

- So. This is why you left ME in that room looking PATHETIC! Don't you respect ME! Why are you here with this… this…

- DARLA! DARLA! STOP IT! What are you doing?

- You. You took off here to talk to this.

- Darla, this is Fred. She is the wife of a friend who is the chief of the security staff in here.

- Yeah… and Santa REALLY EXISTS!

Angel turned to Fred completely ashamed of Darla's behavior.

- I'm sorry Fred. Darla, Are you out of your mind?

- Fred, Angel. What is happening here?

- Sorry, Wes. My… girlfriend… decided to do a little show around here. Wes, it was nice to see you. I have to go.

Angel caught Darla by the right arm and dragged her outside of the building.

- Angel, honey… is she… she is really the wife of your friend?

- Yes. Darla. She is. You know what! I'm tired of your jealousy. Maybe I like to spread myself around, but this is only when I'm single. Darla, when I'm in a relationship I like to be faithful. I've never given you any reason not to trust me. I had a hard workday and the only thing I wanted was to stay at home. You dragged me for this… it is over! I'll drop you at your apartment building and go home!

- Angel, love. No! I'll behave! I'll…

- No! Darla! You said "I'll behave" so many times since we started dating! You never do it! I want you out of my life.

Darla gave Angel a small smile. They were in the parking lot and she knew how to soothe him. She just needed to push the right buttons and he would be hers again. She bent over to his lap while trying to touch him, but he removed her hand from his trousers rather violently.

- Don't! Don't touch me! This won't work this time. I'll drop you off and stay the hell away from me. I don't want you anymore!

Angel started his car and drove to her home.

- Baby! You... you hurt me! Who is she? TELL ME? Angel, baby, let me correct my behavior. Let's go home play a little.

Angel didn't feel anything even with her intentions clearly stated. She was right. There was someone. He didn't knew her, but for some reason he was touched by her. His father once told him that he would know when he'd find the right woman. Maybe this was it. He knew the glorious blonde had felt the same.

**Chapter 7**

Angel left his trance to come back to the present, but still wondered what could be so disturbing to her. He was curious. Deciding the couch was not a good place for her to sleep; he snooped around in the rooms to see which one was hers. After that, he came back, lifted his little goddess in his arms and took her to the bedroom. He put her gently in the bed covering her with a blanket and turned to leave.

Angel went to the guestroom and removed his trousers and T-shirt, staying dressed with his tank top and boxers. He settled down in the bed although he knew he wouldn't sleep thinking about the beauty in the other room. After a while, he heard noises coming from the other room and went there to check on her. She was trashing in the bed, sweating and mumbling about something she lost.

- Buffy! Buffy!

- No! I lost it! I lost it!

Angel was shaking her so she'd wake up, but it didn't work. Suddenly she bolted up in the bed screaming. She fought him while he tried to wrap her in his arms.

- No! No! Stay away!

- Buffy! Calm down! It's I, Angel!

Buffy stopped the fight and he held her against his chest. She was trembling and very hot as if she had a fever, while crying and mumbling in his arms.

- I lost it! I lost it! I lost it! I lost it! I lost it! I lost it!

- Shshsh… Buffy, I'm here. I'm here for you.

Angel held her while she calmed down. Her breath finally slowed and she seemed to be sleeping again. He arranged her back in the bed, kissed her forehead and decided to go back to his room. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he couldn't just settle himself in her bed.

- Angel.

- Do you need something more?

- Y-y-y-y... yes

- What is it?

- S-s-stay here with me. Just... just... h-h-h-hold... me.

Her request made him feel something exquisite inside his chest. He wanted to protect her from whatever she was running from. He wanted to cherish her, to love her. It was a new feeling for him.

Buffy fastened the blankets to show she wanted Angel into the bed with her. Angel was drowning in her hazel eyes and knew he could not deny any request she'd made. He went to the bed and settled himself by her side. She turned her body and accommodated herself along his body with her head in his chest. It just felt right for him to be holding her like this… even if they had practically met that day. But then, he knew there were several strange things in the world.

- Thank you.

- Huh, huh. Just sleep. You had a bad day and a night well slept will help you feel better.

She nuzzled his chest and after a few minutes was fast sleeping. Angel was left to his thoughts. He was worried about her. That was the first thing. The frail woman breathing soundlessly in his arms had nothing to do with the dynamic woman he saw during the day. The one who dealt with many things at once with a small smile in her face, which showed just how much she loved what she was doing. Whatever happened to her today was really bad or she faked her happy behavior. For some reason, Angel didn't think it was something new. The pain she showed was the one who comes from wounds deep in the soul. He could not imagine what must have happened to her to do such damage. It was not long before he was also dragged into sleep.

**Chapter 8**

Buffy woke up feeling tired. She didn't need to look at her face to know it was probably a mess, but she didn't care. She was completely ashamed, not of her face, but of her break down in front of Angel, and worried because a part of her didn't mind it. It felt right to be held by him. The day before was her annual nightmare and it was nice to have, for once, someone to count on. She was holding to that for so long. It felt good to get it out, to divide her pain with someone even if she could not talk about it.

She tried to go back to sleep, but the sudden smell in the air didn't let it happen. She could be wrong, but it was definitively coming from her own house. Angel.

Buffy wanted to lurk a little. Angel seemed completely integrated in her kitchen. Like he was born to be there.

*Oh, Buffy. Please. Your promised… remember? No feelings for men again. You know the end game. A broken heart. You can't lose your time thinking about a man like this. He is not for you. You know it won't happen*

She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Angel saw her.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Are you all right?

- Yes. I'm… I.. I'm sorry for everything. I just don't know what took me over.

- I was really worried about you. Do you want o talk about it?

- No!

- Hey, calm down. I am just offering. Don't feel obligated to anything.

- I'm sorry.

She blushed. Angel's heart almost stopped when he saw that. It was not usual for him to see a grown woman to do that anymore. He had to suppress a smile.

- What did you cook? I hope it tastes as good as it smells.

- It's really nothing. Just some eggs, bread and orange juice. I was preparing it to take to your bedroom.

- So, breakfast in bed? Not a good thing to do.

- Why?

- I can get used to it.

*I can be here every morning*

He bit his lips to avoid telling her what was in his mind. He would do everything to prepare breakfast for her through his whole life.

*Wow! You are thinking about a whole life with her already. It is serious, huh?*

Buffy ate her meal. After a while, he heard her whimpering with pleasure.

- Angel. What did you put in the eggs? It is delicious.

- That is my secret. If I tell you, my mother will kill me.

And he smiled.

And Buffy couldn't breathe.

*God! He is gorgeous! How can a man be so delicious in the morning?*

- Angel

- Huh?

- Thank you for everything.

He looked at her to see a single tear sliding down her cheek. He came around the island in the middle of her kitchen and caught her face in his hands. He used his thumb to caress it and almost could not hold himself to avoid kissing her.

- It is ok. Whatever happened to you I just want to say that I'm sorry.

- Thank you.

He kept looking at her lips wanting badly to just feel that soft skin against his mouth. Buffy closed her eyes for a moment wanting desperately to be kissed. Instead, she heard him say.

- It's… it's better for me to go. I… I… just want to give you some privacy.

**Chapter 9**

Buffy sat in her couch thinking about the last 24h. The day before was hard for her, every year was the same. Yesterday was the anniversary of her miscarriage. Nobody knew about it, so nobody could understand why every year she would be in a bad mood in this day.

She was twenty-one and met Brendan at a mutual friend's house. They hit it off in the party, but after it, she discovered he had a girlfriend. She was innocent in some ways since she never had a boyfriend. She was not the kind of girl boys would want to date. She was skinny, although she ate a lot, she didn't know anything about fashion or makeup, and she didn't know how to be provocative or sexy or whatever the girls did to get a boyfriend. She had a mind of her own and usually had an opinion and to top it off she was not Miss America. She was ugly. A tomboy as people say today.

Ironically, she was a popular girl among the boys at school. Since she didn't have anything in common with the girls she spent most of her time around the boys talking about men things like football, cars, airplanes, basketball… and she was smart. So, no man would take her seriously. She got used to feel for some boy back there to be deferred in favor of one of her friends. She was even known as Miss Cupid because she helped some of them to be together. Well... the guy didn't like her, so she wouldn't be in the way. One day she just got tired of being rejected and started not to pay attention to them anymore. Besides, she didn't have time to dedicate to fluffiness because she wanted to get out her house ASAP and she decided the only way to do so was studying to get a full grant to some university.

Of course, that was because of her familiar situation. The marriage of her parents wasn't happy. She grew up with her parents fighting and it only got worse in the curse of the time. When she was fourteen her father started to drink and things spiraled out of control. Their fights became angrier and sometimes she was afraid they would become violent. Her father finally lost his mind. When he was drunk, he used to say he'd kill them. She was finishing high school and today she didn't know how she made it.

To top it all, she spent most of her late childhood and adolescence being hated by her mother... and she took a long time to know why. The woman made everything impossible for her. When she was a little kid, people saw she was a smart kid and her parents didn't know what to do with her. They decided she would study and not play. She lived alone most of the time even around her three brothers because they thought girls must not play with boys. They kind of didn't like anyone in the street they lived, so no friends much. When she was nine, she became friends with a girl who lived next door. Her mother made her brothers to be jerks to the girl so her parents wouldn't allow their friendship.

Things, of course, got worse when she was a teenager. Her mother started to call her names, accuse her of stealing money at home and even saying she liked to spread herself around… being with any man. Ironically, she stayed a virgin up to twenty-two years. When she finally left her mother's house to live with a friend, her mother accused her of going to live with a woman… like lovers. She was already with Brendan.

**Chapter 10**

Brendan. Brendan broke up with his girlfriend for a while and decided he wanted her. He chased her and they ended dating… for a month… after which he decided that his ex was a better choice. He broke up with her and went back to his ex. After a while, she was told by a friend he dated her only to make the ex jealous and he picked her because she was smart and in the university.

One month later Brendan started to flirt with her again. Of course, she wouldn't walk in anyone else's lawn. So she brushed it off. Four months after they broke up her mother did something horrible to her. It broke her and finally Buffy Summers decided that she was tired of being the good girl. She and Brendan started seeing each other. She gave herself to him one night and discovered after it that his girlfriend was pregnant. Her heart shattered again because deep down she wanted pretty much to be loved by a single man capable of at least let her dream of a relationship. She ended being his mistress for almost five years.

During the first three years, they were pretty much an item. He was good for her, never promising anything he wouldn't do, except that when he didn't want her anymore he would tell her. But he didn't do as he promised. When everything wasn't good for him anymore, he just took off. He disappeared without saying good-bye. He did exactly like the guys she kissed in parties when she was a teenager. Smooches all night and then no word next day. They sometimes never talked to her for a week. If Angel's reaction this morning was of any indication, things didn't change. She was still being rejected.

She learned early to be strong, to cry silently. Her friends told her it was good he was gone… nobody really paid attention to how she felt… and she represented. She was the same smiling girl, still telling jokes around, still pretending it was ok. But at night, alone in her apartment she let her heart out, not for Brendan really, because he was so different of the man she knew and fell in love with that she didn't want him anymore, but because of everything that had happened up to that point.

One and a half month after the last time that she saw Brendan she started to get sick in the morning. She didn't think about pregnancy because she was completely paranoid with protection. She always thought that if one day she'd be a mother, she would want to give the world to her children, for them to have everything she didn't have.

When she heard the doctor saying she was pregnant she almost fainted. After some adjustment moments a huge smile spread across her face. She was going to be a mommy. Nobody would take that from her. Or so she thought. She left the office and went straight to the shopping to see baby things. Back there she was already working in the fashion world for _Mode_ and could afford to take care of the baby alone.

She was so happy that everyone got surprised to see her glowing so shortly after Brendan desertion. Xander and Willow even thought she'd find a new boyfriend. She kept it a secret because she didn't want anyone pestering her about all the implications of her pregnancy. She was happy and that was all. Of course, she knew now that she should have been eerie about everything. Happiness was never really good for her. Unfortunately, she lost the baby fifteen days later.

Finally alone in that hospital bed everything sank in. Maybe she was not mean to be loved. Maybe it was as esoteric people say. You have karma to pay. Maybe she was a bad person in another life and was paying for whatever she did in this one. Maybe she was paying for crossing another woman's lawn, even if to get a little taste of how it would be to feel loved… even if it was all a big lie. She was not proud of it, but couldn't feel sorry. They had had a good time "together". He came to her, she tried so much to avoid everything, to end it, but he never let it end in her terms… he had preferred his… his painful terms. She deserved everything bad that happened because she was weak in this and the other life.

In the end, she grew up without what people call love. She couldn't talk with her friends because she was pretty much ashamed of what was happening and she felt it was all her fault back in her childhood and adolescence, and now in her adulthood. That maybe there was something wrong with her that made people stay emotionally away from her. After losing the baby, she couldn't feel anything. She was still the same, but she was different. She finally understood that she had to live the life she had instead of dreaming about a husband who could love her, babies, a house with a dog and picket fences. She finally understood it would never happen. She withdrew. She started to not feel anything… everything… allowing herself to cry only once a year. It was there that she promised herself never get interested in men again or any love for that matter. It would not be that difficult because she knew what made her attracted to man. So she could watch herself and avoid damages. It seemed that bad things happened to everyone, but they had a little preference for her.

It was not really bad. She used her energies to her work, left _Mode_ and created _Fashion_ with Xander and Willow. She won enough money to travel around when she wanted. She had a nice house.

**Chapter 11**

Buffy was taken from her thoughts by the phone ringing.

- Hello.

- Hello. Ms. Summ… Buffy. It's Angel.

- Oh, hi!

- Hi. I'm calling to know if you are ok.

- I… I… I'm. Thank you.

- Ok.

- Angel, How did you find my number?

- I was… well… worried about you when I left. So I took the liberty to write down your number to check on you.

Buffy was alarmed. He seemed to care for her and that was one of the ways to make her interested. She couldn't afford it. She knew what would come out of these kinds of things. She was attracted to him, but he let clear in the morning that he didn't want her. So, she would save herself the trouble of having feelings for him without any chance of getting it back. Of course, he was probably worried about her after her breakdown, but she didn't want him to feel sorry for her.

- Angel. I don't want you to think that I'm not thankful because I'm, but it would be better if you just forget about it all, ok. Forget yesterday, forget my number… and let's… well… just be work partners.

- I'm sorry Buffy… Miss Summers… I didn't want to be invasive. I just… well… I know this may sound stupid since I… I… knew you yesterday, but I really care about you. I… I'll leave you alone.

- k. Bye

- Bye.

Angel hung up the phone with her voice in his ear. Maybe because of his profession, but he learned to read people. She seemed almost afraid of him, afraid of something. It was like the vulnerable woman from yesterday just vanished in thin air and the businesswoman took her place.

He liked her, he felt oddly complete holding her last night, protecting her sleep. He spread himself around a lot. In his one-night stands, it was just that. No need to protect, to love, just the physical rush. Even with the girlfriends, including Darla, something was always off… missing. It was she. She was made for him. For some reason, having held her during the night made him go to paradise. When was the last time he slept with a woman without anything physical between them? Let alone that he slept wonderfully.

He wouldn't let her go away. She was emotionally scared, that much he knew and for a moment he asked himself if being invasive as he was planning to be really would be ok. Back in the kitchen she seemed to wait for a kiss. God! It was what he wanted to do, but he couldn't take advantage of her in her weak state. It wouldn't be right… and he wanted to do everything right with her. He would give her space and would just see her reaction in the next days.

**Chapter 12**

- Hi, Cordelia.

- Hi, Angel.

- Calls?

- Yes. Peter called. He wanted to know when the photos in the _Rockefeller_ _Center_ will be ready. Betty Suarez from _Mode_ also called about the pictures you took before you started to work for _Fashion_ for their upcoming autumn special issue. Same goes for _Vogue_. Darla called again.

For the first time Cordelia saw Angel don't get irritated with the mention of Darla's name. He seemed different though. He was happy, almost glowing. Maybe a new girlfriend.

- Angel. You seem different. If there is a new girl it is better warn her about Darla.

- There is no one, Cordy. Well… maybe there will be someone, but it is too soon to say anything.

- Well. That is interesting. I mean. Angel, you are single for like four months and you weren't with any one for a while. Now you find someone and you don't want to take her to bed ASAP. You want to take things slow. Then, she must be definitively important.

Angel smiled at Cordelia. Cordelia was not surprised by how his face changed when he did it. He became even more gorgeous.

- It is pretty serious. She is important. I just hope to be so important to her.

- It is the girl in that party you went.

- Yes.

- Who is she?

- That is a secret.

- Gunn had to be here to hear you.

Cordelia smiled.

- I'm going to the studio to process some more of the photos I took. You can have the rest of the day for you. Get Gunn and go do something. You know, there is a beautiful sun outside and its Saturday after all.

- Ok.

Cordelia kissed Angel on the face, grabbed her purse and left.

**Chapter 13**

Willow was having an interesting time this afternoon accompanying one of the photo shoots for the next edition of the magazine. To look at Buffy and Angel pretend to not see each other made her think her friend finally got her eyes in the male population again. Besides, she and Xander saw the security tapes of the garage to know that something happened between their friend and the photographer. Xander wanted to confront Angel, mainly because he was overprotective of Buffy and didn't like to see her being carried away by a virtual strange. But, Buffy didn't say anything when she arrived in the morning and Willow asked Xander to let her deal with it. She knew Buffy enough to know that whatever happened must have been terrible for her to let Angel get that near. She was attracted to him.

- What happened between you two?

- What? W-What? W-w-w-what?

- You and a certain brown eyed photographer who is a hottie and can't stop looking at you… when you are not looking at him.

- What are you talking about?

- Buffy. You and he decided that today was a nice day to play hide-and-seek? You look at him when he isn't looking. Then, he looks at you when you are not looking. No… let me finish. We saw a certain security tape from last Friday… and Angel carrying you to his car.

Buffy's eyes showed her panic. She had completely forgotten the security system in the building.

- Did someone…?

- No. Only Xander and I. You know how he is. He arrived today and went straight to the record room to see if something happened during the problem with the elevator. So, what happened?

- Nothing, Willow. I just… I was tired, it was not a good day and he witnessed much of my agony in the elevator. He took me home. That's all.

- Really! That's a shame.

- Why? Willow you know perfectly well that I…

- … won't get involved with men again. Buffy… you are already… you are lusting after him.

- I AM NOT LUSTING AFTER HIM!

And she turned around to look at Angel while he was working. He was the most beautiful man she ever saw. She was used to beautiful men, but in her world they were empty near Angel. He had spiked brown hair that she could only dream of how it would be to feel them between her fingers. He had a delicious body… a body to die for.

_*His large chest had accommodate you two nights ago, hadn't it? So you know how he feels. But is not his body you love*_

*… wait a moment… no… I don't love anything about him… what I… like... like is a better word… is his eyes.*

They were of a deep shade of brown, soulful. It was as if he could read her soul. To be true she felt almost naked under his scrutiny.

*Oh, God! I am lusting after him.*

- Houston calling! Houston calling!

Willow laughed and put herself between Buffy and Angel.

- So, you weren't lusting, huh?

**Chapter 14**

Buffy grabbed Willow by the right arm and led them to the elevator and her office, closing the door behind her.

- WILLOW! This… why are you doing this? Why are you tormenting me?

Buffy was crying.

*What is wrong with me these last days?*

Willow took Buffy's face between her hands.

- Because it is time for you to live again. Whatever happened with Brendan it can't hold you forever, Buffy. Angel is clearly interested in you… more than interested I daresay.

Willow hugged Buffy.

- Oh, Willow. Don't be stupid! Do you know how many times a man gave all the signs he was interested in me… and then, nothing… or he wanted me to help him met one of my friend. You were there some of those times! I've already told you this. I'm not normal! I will never be a normal girl! I can't let myself feel like this. It is too dangerous!

- Buffy…

- Willow! If he were interested in me why would he not kiss me when he had the chance Saturday morning?

Buffy clasped her mouth with her hand aghast by what she said out loud.

- WHAT?

- I… We…

- Wait a moment! Saturday morning? He spent the night in your house? You didn't tell me? Buffy… you are a bad girl.

- No. No… it is not like that. I was really bad. Not that way, Will! He got worried I think and was there to help me. That is all.

- What more?

Buffy looked at Willow and knew her friend would not let her get away from it. Willow also knew that Buffy would never lie.

- I was a little… I mean… out of my mind. He slept with me… no…

Buffy made a hand gesture when Willow almost jumped from her chair.

- …he just held me while I slept. That is all. When I woke up he was in the kitchen. I… Will, he was being such a sweet to me. I couldn't avoid it. I cried and he… just held my face. I closed my eyes... hoping that he would kiss me and then he said it was better for him to go mumbling something about privacy. Really interested huh?

- BUFFY! How can you be so stupid? He was right. I mean. He helped you with whatever was wrong and he clearly didn't want to take advantage of you! He is definitively a good guy! God… I am a happy married woman, but if not… I'd date him right…

- HEY!

- You. Are. Jealous! Oh, my!

Xander choose that moment to appear.

- Who is jealous!

- Buffy… of Angel?

- Willow… I'M NOT!

Xander was looking at Willow and she was wearing a satisfied smile in her face.

- So. There is something going on between you two.

- No. There isn't. Ok! I had a bad Friday, he helped me, he called to know if I was well and he didn't want to kiss me. This discussion ends here. Get out!

After leaving Buffy's office, Willow turned to Xander.

- Xander. I think it is time for us to have a fatherly talk with Angel.

**Chapter 15**

A knock on the door was heard.

- Come in.

- Mr. Harris. Willow.

- Hi, Angel.

- No formalities around here, please. You can call me just like everyone, just Xander. I am the other associate of Buffy. I'm responsible for the security of everything related to the magazine. I've heard a lot about you today.

- Well. It is nice to know you. Willow talked a good deal about you this morning.

- I'm sure. I just hope she didn't reveal anything compromising. I might have to kill you to keep the secret.

- No. She didn't.

- Well. Angel, I have a reason to talk to you. I don't like to extend myself so I'll go direct to the point. Why where you carrying Buffy in your arms in the garage last Friday?

Xander Harris was the person responsible for the security in the building and he wasn't looking very amiable to Angel.

Willow had filled Xander in all that went on in the last four days. After it, he decided to check the man. He wanted to know everything there was to know about the man who was supposedly interested in Buffy.

Angel decided to stand his ground.

- Why do you care? Are you her boyfriend?

*The man has corage.*

- Because I look up for her and Willow. We are long time friends and if someone is trying to get into her pants in the first day of work I surely won't trust that person.

Xander spoke between his teeth. He really wanted to spook Angel and see what he was made of. If this guy was interested in Buffy he wanted to make sure he was tested and warned.

- Look. Buffy was bad last Friday and I helped her. That was all.

- Care to tell us what happened? What did you do to her?

- I didn't do anything. Something happened to her and I was there to help. Now If you want to know what happened you'll have to ask her because I don't know… and If I'd know I'd not tell.

*Good. Won't talk about what happened to her even to her friends. He seems protective.*

- So, Willow told me you are interested in her. She told me she saw you looking at Buffy all afternoon. What exactly do you want? Let me explain how things work around here. I am a very… v.e.r.y… protective man of Willow and Buffy, as I told you. Buffy is someone important to us and she had a really difficult life. She is not the kind of woman to be played around… like you are used to as much as I know. If you hurt her… If you harm her in any way I will personally take care of you. Got it!

Angel looked from Xander to Willow and decided to confess his sins. They really liked Buffy and maybe they could help him.

- Thank you for the warning. I… I know it seems stupid and farfetched, but I saw Buffy four months ago in a party and she just won me over. I won't do anything to hurt her and you didn't have to tell me that. I've seen how much she is vulnerable last Friday.

This time it was Willow to talk to him.

- Are you telling me you are some kind of stalker?

- No. No. No. Do you believe in love at first sight? She was there alone and I just saw her and that was all.

- So. Are you interested in her?

- Yes.

- Are you sure?

- Yes. I'm.

- Are you going to chase her?

- Yes. If you agree or not I will.

**Chapter 16**

- Hello!

- Cordelia, is Angel there?

- No. Darla. Angel is not here.

Cordelia could not be more annoyed with the woman. Angel left her a long time ago, but she still kept calling.

- I never find him anymore.

- Maybe because he didn't want you to find him?

Darla growled. She hated Cordelia with passion. The woman dated Gunn, one of the Angel's friends, and seemed to think that Angel's life was hers to decide.

- Do you know if he is dating someone new?

As if she knew. She knew he was harboring something for someone. Angel was secretive and sometimes she caught him staring in the space. He was also smiling more. That was happening since he started in _Fashion_ three weeks before.

- No. Darla. As long as I know. He isn't.

- Tell him I called.

- As always.

After hanging up the phone, Cordelia wrote a note to Angel about Darla's call. She couldn't understand how Angel had dated the woman. She was spoiled and shallow. Not someone for the boss. Lately she got all stalker too.

It was time for Cordelia to leave the office. She was already late for her meeting with Harmony who she had to thank for telling her about the position in _Fashion_ so Angel could apply.

- Cordelia!

- Hi. Harmony! You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- How is work?

- Same old, same old. New York Fashion Week is almost here so you can imagine. Much work, papers, calls… it is crazy in the office. I imagine it is the same at your place.

- Yes. Angel has been immersed in work because of the last photo shoots for _Fashion_.

- Cordy! He is the yummier man I've ever set my eyes on! Every girl in the building is crazy for your boss you know. Actually, there is some sort of bet to know who will get into his pants? Can you believe it? How can you work for him!

- Well. I have Gunn.

- Is he dating someone? The man avoids every woman back there… or almost every.

- Huh? Almost?

- Yes. Some of the girls picked up some vibes between him and Buffy, one of owners of _Fashion_. I think he has the hots for her. Please, don't tell anyone, but I've seen it myself. They keep looking at each other when nobody is looking… or themselves for that matter.

- She is a little blonde, huh? His type. Darla will hate it.

- Is she still calling?

- Every day! The woman can't quit it. If it was me, I'd have found someone else a long time ago. But she is almost a stalker. It's horrible.

- Now she has to stop.

**Chapter 17**

Buffy was tired, but felt energized at the same time. The day at work was full of photo shoots and discussions about the coverage of New York Fashion Week. She would have a problem with it since she would have to go and Angel was the official photographer of the magazine, but… well… it would be only two or three hours per day. He was working with them for a month already and she was dealing with it, wasn't?

_*Lie to yourself*_

It was unbearable. Since he called her to know how she was, which happened four weeks before, they had talked only during meetings or photo shoots, when she had to be there. When he was around she could not concentrate in anything else, but bask in his persona. Conversely to other photographers she worked with, he was calm, kind and gave direct instructions of what he wanted to the scenography crew and models. He became the favorite photographer of everyone. Of course, women in the building wanted to put their fingers in him… and Buffy was jealous, although she knew she didn't have the right.

She had heard some models talking about him in the bathroom. Kathrine, a Russian model, said they went out sometimes and told the others models about his performance. She also said he liked to spread himself around a lot, although he kind of went all loyal when in a relationship. Buffy heard the girl say that he ended his relationship with Darla, the famous actress, almost five months ago and hasn't been spotted with anyone since. She said she went for him when the photo shot in the day before ended… naked under a duster, but he refused her. She said it was strange because he was not with anyone and never refused that kind of offering.

Well. He probably had someone and was keeping his relationship quite. He didn't seem the kind of guy who likes to go in the press every time he gets a new girlfriend. To hear the model say he rejected her also brought some sort of contentment to Buffy… it was not only her he had rejected.

Deciding to put everything about Angel to rest, she opened her mail and one of the letters got her attention. The envelope didn't have an address, only her name, but she opened it. Inside a picture of Angel with something written in its back with red lipstick.

_**HE IS MINE!**_

**Chapter 18**

- Buffy! Always late!

- You know me, Willow.

- Aunt Buffy!

- Hey! Sarah.

Buffy picked up the little redhead who was daughter of Willow with Oz in her arms and gave her a kiss in the cheek.

- What did you brwing for me? Mommy said that I shoud no ask to people for pewsents, but I curious.

Buffy laughed and gave her the present.

- Here is it! Open it!

- I can? I can? I can?

- Yes. Mommy won't see.

Buffy gave a small smile while the girl opened her present to find a Barbie and her car. She squirmed in her arms to go to the ground and left running to play with the other kids.

- Sarah, what do you say to your aunt?

- Thank you, Aunt Buffy.

- Go play, sweet.

- Will, she is looking like you with every day.

- Don't tell that to Oz. I really hope that Steve gets his looks.

Willow smiled and gave Steve to Buffy.

- Come on, everyone is in the backyard. Thank God it is a sunny Saturday since Oz planned everything outside.

Buffy entered the backyard with little Steve in her arms playing with her fingers and didn't pay attention to whom was around. She stood there playing with the baby and only after some time she greeted people around, most of them Willow's relatives, Xander's family, and people from the magazine… Angel among them… with a pretty brunette by his side.

*I'm going to kill Willow. She's got to be kidding me! No! She definitively likes to torture me! Is it not enough in the office?*

- Xander! Anya, when the babies are due?

- Any minute. I just want them out. I feel horrible. I must be the biggest mammalian ever. I'm telling you… you are luck for never get pregnant.

Buffy's heart almost stopped with the tactless and no intentional comment of Anya about pregnancy, but she held her smile in place.

*Past is past. Past is past. Past is past.*

Xander gathered Anya's hands and kissed them. She was pregnant with twins and had a difficult pregnancy. If people didn't know Anya, they could think she was being true, both she was an amazing mother of two kids, Stephanie and Ethan, three and five years, who she loved dearly.

- Oh, honey. It is almost time.

Unknown to her, Angel was looking for the expressions in her face. She seemed fascinated and fascinating with Willow's baby in her arms. For a moment, he pictured her with their baby. She was kind, was always in good mood, smiling around _Fashion, _everyone really liked her. He was working there for a mouth and as he knew things he got curious. He couldn't understand how such a wonderful creature was not taken, but he had to thank God for that. Of course he had heard things, whispers about her mainly that she didn't date.

- Buffy.

- Angel.

They shook hands and Buffy shivered a little from the electricity she felt and the way he said her name. Every time they touched hands… every time they touched to be true, it was the same. It was ridiculous and annoying. She was thirty years, alone for four years and should know how to control these things.

_*Yeah, but you didn't want any man all this time, did you?* _

*Maybe not, but I have experience in this. I mean it has been four years. I should know how to be alone*

_*Lie to yourself*_

Angel felt his insides twisting the moment she said his name and touched him. He could drown in her hazel eyes.

- This is my secretary, Cordelia.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Angel, Buffy. Excuse me. I am going to talk to Harmony.

- Uh? Willow didn't tell me you would be here.

_*So you could get away, Buffy?*_

- Yeah. She invited me, but I didn't know if I would make it. So I didn't confirm it…

Angel and Buffy were talking. Willow, Xander and Cordelia were enjoying the spectacle.

**Chapter 19**

- Willow. I think your plan will help to approximate these lovebirds.

- Yes. We had to do something. I mean… Buffy is running from Angel like Vampires from crosses. He needs his chance. Did you see the way he was looking at her? Priceless. At least here, she felt obliged to talk to him. And they talked. The man is hooked up. Did you do your part?

- Yes. I just hope he takes the chance. If Buffy find out about any of this, she will kill you and me.

- Or… We will be the witness of their marriage.

Guests started to left and Buffy was one of the first.

- Willow. I'm going. Tell Sarah I'm coming back next weekend to play with her. Oz.

- Thank you Buffy. Sarah will spend the week talking about it.

- Yeah, Oz. That is my way to get an invite before the next weekend. Willow's food is always wanted.

- I know that. Bye.

- Oh, Angel, Cordelia. Also going?

- Yes. I have to drop Cordelia and catch up some more work. With the Fashion Week in two months I want to be free to work only there. Everything was wonderful. Your little girl is exhilarant.

- Thank you, Angel.

- Thank you for everything, Willow.

- Bye Cordelia.

Willow saw Buffy circulating her car.

- Some problem.

- I can't turn on the car. Can I let it here and use your phone to call a taxi?

- Of course, Buffy. Xander can look at it tomorrow.

- Buffy, I can drop you off. I am dropping Cordelia.

- Oh, no. Angel. I don't want to cause any trouble. I live in Newark.

- No problem. Been there done that.

Buffy's hazel eyes suddenly assumed a greener color. She didn't like his comment, but she would not create a scene in Willow's house.

- Thank you, Angel. If I won't cause trouble.

- Nope.

**Chapter 20**

Angel drove to New York so he could let Cordelia first. When he pulled up the car in front of Buffy's house, she was nervous.

- Thank you for dropping me off.

- Yes. It is kind of a habit it seems.

They were inside his car just staring at each other. Both were hypnotized by the other eyes with everything seeming quite around them. Angel touched one free lock of her hair and put it behind her ear, touching her face. Buffy was trembling.

- Buffy, you are shaking. Are you afraid of me? I won't hurt you.

Buffy was entranced by his brown eyes. They seemed to know who she was. She gave a small smile… and almost combusted when he kissed her. Angel's lips were tentative and uncertain, but when she kissed him back, he deepened the kiss and she responded with vigor. His tongue ravishing her mouth was the fire bringing to life every sense she fought so hard to conceal from herself. Somewhere in her brain, a voice was screaming about the danger, talking about a promise, but she needed it. She needed to feel him. Just this once.

Angel was on fire. This woman was able to make him feel as hot lava, boiling. He had so much experience, but right now he was feeling like a schoolboy with his first girlfriend. He knew he loved her. She was innocence. She was sweet. She was fire. She was his. That was the difference, this feeling within him made everything more… human… he was not a beast seeking physical release anymore, but a man. A man in love.

Buffy moaned and whimpered against his mouth and he growled. It was the sign he needed to break the delicious contact before he'd do something to regret.

Buffy whimpered again due to the lack of contact. She was breathing heavily from the kiss. For a moment she kept her eyes shut, ashamed of looking at him. Angel could feel his eyes welling up while looking at her. She was magnificent with her full lips from their kiss and her hazel eyes.

- Buffy.

She opened her eyes and they were still fog with passion.

- Angel. I… I…

She was embarrassed. She didn't know what to say because she didn't have too much experience in this kind of situation. She only dated Brendan and it was only one month almost ten years ago. She never had a boyfriend, as in a man interested purely in her, and Brendan was much more about sex, which she knew a lot, than normalcy.

- Do you want to go inside?

- No.

Buffy's eyes welled up.

*Why men keep rejecting me?*

- I… I… sorry. I just thought you wan… uh… never mind.

Angel looked at her. She was hurt… he had hurt her when he said no.

*Oh, Buffy*

She got out of his car and was walking to the door of her house, when he caught her arm and made her turn to him.

- Buffy, wait!

- What? Now you want to explain to me…

She breathed hard and tried to control herself.

- … why you don't want me?

- Buffy. I… I… want you, but I think… thought that we should go slow. If I go in there I don't think I can control myself.

She was looking at him with huge eyes. Did she turn him on?

- Angel. I don't have time for slow. If I want something I take it. I have it. I can't let anything for tomorrow because it would be one more lost thing. Believe me! I have lost a lot! I want you, but if you don't…

She never ended her speech because he kissed her again.

**Chapter 21**

Buffy woke up nestled peacefully in Angel's chest and feeling rested, sated and safe. So much time had passed since the last time she felt near this. She didn't want to think on the implications of it. Besides, from what she knew he was not the kind of guy who wanted to be with his one-night stand and she was sure that she was just that.

*He is not the kind of guy who wants a relationship, commitment*

_*What if he wants one?*_

*He doesn't. I'm sure of it*

She hoped so because she couldn't go into a relationship with him… even if she felt _something_ for him. Things were scary as they already were.

He was perfect last night. They made love almost the whole night and he treated her like she was the most precious thing in the world… with devotion. It was so strange to have someone treating her like that she almost cried more than once. Suddenly, she felt his fingers running through her hair.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Are you… are you ok?

- Yes.

- Do you know you look beautiful? When you sleep your face seems the face of an angel.

She gave a small smile.

- Well. They say an angel can recognize other of his kind.

- They are sure. Do you want to eat something?

- Yes. Are you going to do those eggs?

He left the bed without covering himself. Suddenly, she realized there was a naked man walking in her house… in her kitchen.

After sometime, her kitchen needed a new table.

**Chapter 22**

Angel and Buffy spent most of the Sunday on bed making love, eating and talking about amenities. She discovered that he learned to cook because his mother believed that men should be able to take care of themselves. According to her, to have someone to take care of his food and wash clothes for him was not a good reason for marriage. He talked about his family and asked about her, but Buffy changed topic, what he noticed but left her do it.

She discovered they had some things in common. They exchange information about trips they'd made across the world because of the fashion business. He entertained her with behind the scenes stories like one fashion show he covered in which one of the models got totally naked because of a wardrobe malfunction just seconds before she left to the catwalk or the fight he saw between two models who were lovers of a third girl. They had quite the same taste in music, except for Barry Manilow. She said that some of his songs were sad and she didn't like sad songs. They also disagreed about sports since she absolutely hated to wake to go running and such. They didn't like LA Lakers, but both loved any kind of races. In the middle of the afternoon he made popcorn and they watched a basketball game.

He only left at night and only after many kisses in her bedroom, her door, in the car. He invited her to go to his place in New York, but she refused. She couldn't do it and compromise herself after a fling. Maybe he had asked hoping she'd say exactly no.

**Chapter 23**

Buffy arrived a little late in the _Fashion_ building. She couldn't see it, of course, but she was glowing as only a woman in love could be. Her smile was almost blinding and it was in her eyes too. She was using more makeup than everyone had seen in years.

- Morning, Harmony.

- Morning, Buffy. The mail is already in your desk. Your meeting with Emma was confirmed, so it will be at one pm at Frost's. This afternoon we will have a little fashion show in the studio in fifth floor from Diego's. You have to indicate who you think is the designer revelation by the end of the week.

- Thank you, Harm.

Harmony left her office and Buffy went for her mail. Again, a letter without address or sender was among them. She was receiving one of them every two days, all of them with the same message in the back of Angel's picture. He is mine. Every time a different picture.

Hopefully, whoever was doing it would see that Angel and she didn't have anything. Yes. They spent a whole day loving… no… having sex…, but it was all it was... wasn't? Just the good and old fashioned sex he did with other models. It was not like he was in love with her, was it? She knew she had feelings for him, but she couldn't hope them to be returned. So, she decided to do with this the same think she did with the others, throw it in the drawer. Harmony put her head through the door.

- Buffy.

- Yes, Harm.

- There are some packages here for you.

- Bring them in.

Harmony opened her door and several men came inside her office carrying flowers. Lilies, her favorite flowers, of many different colors. Buffy could not believe her eyes. No need to say that a commotion was created in the building. Willow and Xander appeared and watched amazed as the flowers were brought to her office.

- Oh. My. God. Xander.

- Hey. I'm seeing.

- I think that our little setup worked better than we thought.

Willow whispered to Xander.

Buffy didn't open her mouth. Well, to say the truth, she didn't emit any sound. She seemed a little lost looking to her gifts. Willow turned around and asked for Harmony to close the door.

- Buffy. Buffy.

- Uh?

- Are you ok?

- I think she is in shock. She is not used to such strong demonstrations of feelings.

- Shut up Xander. Buffy?

- Willow. I… They are for me?

- It seems. Do you want me to read the card?

Willow asked the right question to make Buffy leave her trance.

- No!

She ran for the flower vessel in her desk and caught the card. She opened it and read _"Lilies means innocence and purity. That is what you mean to me"_

- So. Angel made a move hum?

- Xander!

- Hey, just asking?

- How do you…?

She clapped her mouth.

- Oh. My. God. Buffy! You and him are dating?

- No… I mean… No. I can't have a relationship with him. I can't.

- Then you will have to tell him this because by the amount of flowers in your room he must be already thinking about decorating the church for your marriage.

- WHAT?

- Buffy. Come on! Everyone with eyes can see he is in love with you. I'm a guy, remember, a stupid guy who found the woman he loved, almost lost her and then made everything to be with her… I can recognize the symptoms in other one of my specie. And you… you are head over heels in love with him too.

Buffy looked frantically to the flowers and back to her friends.

- No! No! No! I can't. I… I know how this will end. I can't put myself in that situation again.

- Buffy! Angel is not like Brendan. He won't hurt you.

- Willow! Please! The world is not this multicolored thing you paint. I was born to live alone. You can't understand. You and Xander had… have normal lives. I didn't. I don't. I won't. I knew it a long time ago. I tried to fight, but it just got too much heavy. I won't let anyone hurt me again.

- Buffy…

- No! Tell Harmony to tell Angel when he arrives to work that he should come here.

- Buffy. What are you going to do?

- Stop this.

- Buffy.

- Can you… can you leave me alone please?

**Chapter 24**

For the first time they were seeing the damage her relationship with Brendan coupled with everything else did to her. They met her in the university and what they knew of her past was what she told then when she got drunk back there. She had a difficult relationship with her parents and men. After everything with Brendan, she refused to have any kind of relationship with people. However, something more happened. Willow was certain of it.

- Will. What was that?

- She is hurt, Xand. We are not those best friends we thought we were. Something horrible happened to her, something we don't know. Did you see hers eyes? They were dead. There was no hope there. She was so consumed in pain. I don't know what to do. Did you hear what she said? She thinks she was born to live alone… it was final, like she accepted it as a destiny. Xander, nobody says this kind of thing about herself or himself. Something horrible happened to her.

- Maybe we should talk to Angel. I mean. Their relationship triggered all of this.

- No. Let them talk first. Maybe she will say something to him that can be used so we can help her.

**Chapter 25**

Cordelia arrived early in the office, but found Angel in the studio already. He was happy since soft music was playing while he was working. It seemed his weekend had been good… with Buffy.

Angel arrived in _Fashion_ at noon. He was nervous and eager to see Buffy, his stomach twisting. He missed her when he woke up in the morning. He called her on the cell phone and _Fashion_, but couldn't reach her. He hoped she had liked his little present.

- Angel.

- Hi. Harmony.

- Uh. Buffy wants to talk to you… now.

- Hum hum. I'll go to Jeff give the photos and I'll come back in five minutes.

- Ok.

Angel went to give the photos and came back as fast as he could. He wanted desperately to see Buffy.

- Buffy. Angel is here.

- Harmony, tell him to come in.

- Hey. Do you… do you want to talk to me?

- Yes.

She was looking through her office window, but Angel sensed something was wrong.

- Buffy. Are you ok?

- I should be. Why did you do it?

She turned around and when he saw her face he went to her.

- No! Stay where you are!

- Buffy, baby… what?

- Don't call me baby. I'm not your baby. Answer me? Why did you do it?

- What?

- Flowers!

- Didn't you like them?

- They were beautiful.

- Why did you cry?

- Angel. I am going to tell you one thing. And hear me because I'm going to say it only once. What happened this weekend won't have a repeat. I'm telling you to stay away from me. Here, you are just the photographer and nothing more. We had a one-night stand, or day if you prefer, but that is all. No attachments for you… or me.

- Buffy. What happened? Why are you this way?

- This is me, Angel. I don't have to explain myself to you. I was born to live alone and that is the way things are. Deal with the fact that I'm the one wanting nothing more than a good night of pleasure.

- I… I don't accept any of this. Tell me what is wrong.

His low and sweet voice finally got to her nerves.

- DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? YOU HAPPENED! I WAS SAFE… ALONE… AND YOU HAD TO COME ALONG. STAY AWAY FROM ME!

She turned to the window again. Angel couldn't believe his eyes and ears. Where was the woman he made love yesterday? She became this cold bitch from night to day. What was wrong with this picture?

- Do you love me?

She turned around again and finally looked directly at him. Her eyes were tired, cold and there was no hope there.

*God, what happened to this woman?*

- Love!

She gave a sarcastic laugh, but her eyes were full of nothing but pain, despair.

- Why everyone keeps talking about it like it is the most important thing in the world? Do you want to know what love is… it is nothing. Love is just our way to pretend we are something more than animals. We can't be just animals, can we? Human beings don't like to be animals, so, we had to find a way to explain our physical needs. That is love. Anything more than this it is just us trying to pretend we are not animals.

- Buffy. For the love of God, who hurt you? Who did this to you?

- I told you. From now on, I hope we can talk only about work. You can go now. Harmony. I need you to ask for the limousine. I'm leaving to meet Emma.

Buffy walked away from the speakerphone in her desk to look through the window.

**Chapter 26**

Angel left Buffy's office completely numb and ignored the looks he was receiving. The only thing in his head was Buffy. How much worried he was about her. How someone could change so much in less than twenty four hours. It seemed that the flowers triggered something in her.

*God! What or who hurt her so much?*

- Angel.

He heard Willow's voice.

- Angel. We need to talk to you.

- I don't think I can have another talk, Willow. I didn't do anything wrong… I just… I sent her flowers.

Willow held his arm.

- We know, Angel. Everyone said that before the flowers she was much more happy than the usual.

- Than it was because of the flowers. I didn't know. I… I didn't know that she had something associated with flowers.

Willow couldn't believe that he was babbling. His eyes were sad and welled up. He was distraught. He really liked Buffy.

- Angel. Please. We need to talk to you. Come to my office.

He let Willow guide him to her office. Maybe she could tell something to help him.

- Hey, Angel.

- Hi, Xander.

- Angel, sit down. I and Xander don't know if the flowers had anything to do with it, but she had her outburst after them.

- Then it is my fault.

- No. Angel. Buffy had a really difficult life. She doesn't talk much about it. We knew her in the university and the only thing we saw was in the day her mother went to the campus to accuse her of… of stealing money in her house. She won a full grant and had moved to the campus two weeks before the beginning of the semester. We were roommates. Her mother did a big scandal. It was not worst because there were not really much people in the campus due to the beginning of the semester fifteen days ahead yet. She said it was not her, but her mother didn't believe it. The woman was horrible. She even called her names. Afterwards, it was discovered that her younger brother was the culprit. Her mother even accused her of trying to make him the culprit.

- Oh, God!

- Yes. Buffy just disappeared for a whole day. We were worried about her. It was a rainy day. The police found her almost three in the morning sat in the rain. She got pneumonia, but eventually was better. She never talked anything about it and just was herself again. The cheerful girl we know. Now I can see that she just bottled it. Can you imagine what more must have happened to her? We tried to talk her into going to a psychologist, but she refused saying she was ok… she was used to it, but since she left her home it would not happen again.

- She didn't deserve that. She is so kind and… this explains how she could cry back in the Friday I helped her without emitting a sound. God! What kind of parents were they?

- Yes. Well. There is more. Sometime later she got involved with an ex, if we can call the son of bitch this. He had dated her to make another girl jealous. He broke up with her and went back to the ex. After a while, he decided to chase Buffy again. To make the story short, his girlfriend got pregnant and he made Buffy… or Buffy wanted to be his mistress…

- WHAT?

- Yes… she stayed with him for five years. Through all the university and even her first year working at _Mode_. I won't say the guy was bad… while he was interested. He really cared for her, but one day he… lost interest I think… and... just took off, disappeared. He didn't say anything.

- Son of a bit…

- Buffy doesn't know, but Xander found him and beat him to a puppy dog. We don't know much more of her life. Except that she was the smartest person I've ever know. Despite everything, she always had something good to say, she always wanted to help, the way we work here is pretty much like hers. She was the top student of her year and one of the best in all time. We also know that after her "relationship" with Brendan she concluded she was not born to be loved and just closed up in herself. After him… until now… she never dated anyone. So, I think the flowers showed her that you have feelings for her… and she recognized her own feelings at some level, but couldn't deal with them.

- She kept saying she didn't want a relationship with me. She was born to live alone.

- Maybe this is because back there with Brendan she said she just wanted to have a taste of how it was to have someone. She waited that he would be with her for a while, but, he kind of developed some sort of feelings for her. She used to say that it was ironic the man she could not have would develop feelings for her. Just one more irony in her life. I believe that something more happened during her breakup with Brendan or around that time because she retreated completely.

- I want to help her.

Xander was just following Willow's speak. He decided to use his expertise as an investigator to help their friend.

- Do you love her?

- Yes. I know this is weird. I already told you. I saw Buffy almost five months ago in a Ball and she just owned me over. One friend of mine was the responsible for the security and I discovered who she was. Then, there was the opportunity here and the rest you know.

- So… you stalked her.

- No. I… love her. I wouldn't go near her if I didn't sense her interest in me. I want to help her. What can we do? She is too frail… if she broke down like this from flowers, what could happen to her if we do something more drastic.

- I will look into her life. I think that we will be able to decide what to do after it.

**Chapter** **27**

Two weeks passed and Xander finally called with news. They would be meeting at noon. Angel was tired, but couldn't think about anything other than Buffy. In the last days he had received some looks from people in _Fashion_. Everyone knew he and Buffy were together and broke up. Nobody said anything because everyone respected her much, although some models had come to him in full force. At least three of them decided that a duster and nothing more was a good choice of clothes to go into his office. He didn't want anything or anyone and he had to tell every model he was working that he was not interested in after work activities. As stupid as it sounded, his body wouldn't want anyone but her. He didn't want anyone but her. Her. He didn't want to think what more had gone on in her life.

- Cordelia, do you have some Advil?

- Yes. Angel, you can't stay like this. Forget this woman, if she doesn't want you that is her loss. There are many women out there who would love to…

- That is the problem Cordy. I am in love already. I feel her pain. I have to do something.

- Oh, Angel. Why do you have to? You didn't told me what this is all about, although you know you can trust me, but if she is complicated maybe it would be better if you just let go. Why do you want to suffer with her?

- Cordy. You don't… you can't understand.

- No. I do understand. I understand more than you think. Angel, please, can't you try to find someone good for you? Look around. That is all I'm asking.

- Ok.

**Chapter** **28**

- Angel, we were waiting for you.

- Angel and Willow I ask you to sit down.

- Why? Is it all so horrible?

- Maybe. I contacted you friend Wesley, Angel. We worked together and discovered some hard things in Buffy's past. First the treatment her parents gave her was really bad since her later childhood. She almost died drowned during a trip to the beach. Brendan's story everyone knows. Her father was a man quite violent. He never did anything for a fact, but threatened. You can imagine the psychological damage this can do.

Angel sucked a breath. Why did all of this happen to her? She didn't do anything to deserve it.

- And… and…

- Xander…

- Willow, Buffy discovered she was pregnant with Brendan's child and lost the baby two weeks later.

- WHAT?

- My God!

- She lost the baby?

Willow felt a wave of nausea and ran to the bathroom in Xander's office to throw up. She had two children, she could not bear the thought of losing one of them. Buffy was always so good with her children. How could she? She was beside Willow during both her pregnancies. What kind of friend was she that didn't saw her friend suffering so much?

- How could she survive all of this?

- Angel. We don't know. Everyone for a lot less would have turned to drugs or worst. Maybe that is the result of her being a smart kid who didn't know anything different of pain. She lived in it all her life. Can you imagine yourself growing up without love? She was the outsider in her family? From what I got, she was completely different from them. Her family was greed, while she was a funny girl. She was the one that talked to everyone despite who or what the person was. People were naturally drawn to her. She knew many people and every one we talked to had nothing but good things to say about her.

- How could she get pregnant, miscarriage and not tell anything to anyone?

- Willow. She grew up alone, without anyone to confide to. Why would she tell anyone about it? Anya said that maybe it was the last thing she lost. I mean… she lost her childhood, she lost nice parents, she lost the boys she liked to her friends, she lost the man she thought she loved and finally she lost the baby. At some point you just can't take anymore.

- The thing is. How can we help her?

- Anya said that we have to give her time to close the wounds opened by the flowers. If we do something now she can lost it. About the flowers, Angel, Anya thinks that they told her that you love her. Maybe she got afraid that you would be like any other man she knew, unattainable at some point. Or maybe she thought it could not be or that you were too much for her. Many things could be taken from it. But just Buffy can tell.

**Chapter 29**

Angel was working in _Fashion_ for almost three months… and Buffy couldn't deal with him so near her after their weekend two months before. When she gave him her ultimatum she didn't think it would be so hard to be at his side. She had delegated to Willow the task of seeing the photo shots because she didn't want to be around him. But this week was difficult. She had to be around him for at least three hours per day since Willow, she and he had to watch all the fashion shows of all the main stylists. He made her nervous every time she saw him. Her insides just twisted and she had little butterflies in her stomach. He made everything worst because he definitively wanted to punish her. Every chance he had he approached her… invaded her personal space. He knew she would not make a scene. He was around, always around. At least twice, she collided with his large chest.

When he was around she couldn't think straight. Sometimes she'd lost what people were saying during the meetings just thinking about him and their day together. She was forced to concentrate in what people were saying just to not look at him that she didn't acknowledge what the people were really saying.

The last two months were difficult mainly because she was fighting with herself… her emotions and her body. Both missed him. A part of her, the part that could love and she thought was dead, wanted him back. She didn't sleep in her room anymore because it was full of reminders of them. Sometimes she thought she was hallucinating because she could smell him around. She still remembered how it felt to have his body near hers, to have him within her, making her ache in pleasure. She knew all of it, but she also knew she couldn't just break her promise. She knew men enough to know that Angel would use her for a while and then disappear.

She had asked Brendan to tell her he didn't want her anymore. She asked him to end things properly with her. It was important and he knew it. He just disappeared, maybe because she didn't matter so much to him. She was the mistress, wasn't she? Perhaps he didn't respect her because of that. He promised, but did not carry out his promise. She wasn't going to let other man hurt her again. Besides, they worked together and he was good at what he did. She didn't want to lose the man and the professional.

Buffy stopped her line of thoughts, finalized her makeup and went to her living room to wait for the limousine that would take her Willow and Oz to the Closing party to commemorate the success of New York Fashion Week.

**Chapter 30**

- Hi. Buffy. You look amazing!

- You too, Willow. Oz.

- Hi. Buffy.

The hide to the party offered by the organization committee was fast. Buffy was the first to leave the car and the first person she saw was Angel… with Darla at his side. It seemed they got back together and she felt the now not strange feeling of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. She had the urge to go there and make the other blonde to take her dirty hands of what was hers.

*When did I become so jealous? I was never jealous before.*

- Hi. Buffy.

- Hi, Angel… Darla.

- Hi… Buffy. What kind of name is this?

- Darla!

- Just asking!

- Well. What kind of name is Darla anyway? By the way, this is my associate Willow and her husband Oz.

After the pleasantries, both couples and Buffy went inside. They were directed to their tables, but Buffy decided to walk around and talk to the important people in the business. Of course, Angel had to come along because of the pictures. She hated it with passion, but she would deal with it. She didn't want to stay long anyway. Maybe one hour at most and she'd go home.

After this, they came back to the table and then Willow left to dance with Oz, while Darla kept whining to dance with Angel, who refused.

- Darla. I won't dance with you. By the way, why are you here? Didn't you come with Brad?

- Sweet. I saw you alone in the door and decided to be company.

*If she calls him sweet another time I will not respond for myself*

- Thank you, Darla, but I don't need company.

- Angel!

- Buffy, let's dance?

**Chapter 31**

Buffy wanted to go home. She spent most of the time wanting to stay away from Angel, which was almost impossible because of his work during the party, basically following her and Willow for photos and everything. He also knew people and they wanted to talk to him, which was good because for some moments she could not have him around her. She didn't want to be anywhere near him and the blonde he was with. Darla was beautiful, but snob. She spoke too high and was wearing a horrible perfume, let alone the cleavage of her dress.

_*And not because you are jealous?*_

*I'm not!*

_*Lying to yourself again*_

His nearness was driving her crazy. He was gorgeous in his tux and she couldn't believe how much the black color was perfect for him. The tux with the spiked black her and his brown eyes made him a vision of God. Nevertheless to say, every woman in the room looked at him and that was also driving her crazy. She had to hear at least three women coming on to him. After it, she decided she couldn't take it anymore and left the _Fashion_ crew to walk around and talk to people, make the social.

While walking with her and Willow for photos, Buffy caught his breath near her nape several times and every time it did something to her insides. Then, as if his breathing was not torture enough, he asked her to dance, which she couldn't say no without causing a scene. So, they danced. She tried to keep a civil distance, but he smelled of wood and leather and the smell intoxicated her senses, making her think only of their night together. He held her waist and pulled her close to his body. Their bodies just melted together perfectly. Buffy felt her belly responding to his body. She wanted to eat him. She was so confused and hot that she could not do much more than excuse herself after the music ended and ran to the ladies room. She was in serious need of a cold shower.

_*You thought it would be easy, hum?*_

*It is not. It just he is near and… and.. and*

_*Lying to yourself again! Admit it! You. Want. Him. You. Miss. Him*_

*No. I don't miss anything*

_*Are you sure?*_

*Yes. Yes. I can't. I… won't. We can't have anything. I made a promise… I won't break it*

Finally she found the little heaven in the far corner of the balcony where nobody would disturb her. She could see the main saloon were several people were dancing including Willow and Oz. Angel had disappeared possible to be with some other woman since he dismissed Darla. She didn't care.

_*Then, why do you feel your heart squeezing with the thought he could be touching another woman?*_

- Missing me?

**Chapter 32**

She didn't have to look up the huge chest in front of her to know who the owner of the voice was.

- What do you want?

- You.

- Angel.

- Buffy.

Angel found fascinating to see her so disturbed because of him. He decided to forget everything about her ultimatum. He loved her and he would not let her escape. During the time he was around her and Willow for the photos and talk with the important people in the fashion world, he saw several men looking at her. He hated it with fiery passion. He had to look dirty to at least two of them when they started to move towards her. He didn't mind to act caveman as long as they stayed away. Besides, when they were dancing, he felt her response to him and decided to reclaim this wonderful and hardheaded woman. He, Willow and Xander had talked one month and a half before, but he didn't want to wait her to recover anymore. Be damn everyone else's concern.

She was wearing a vibrant backless red dress and red high heeled sandals with gold and silver hoop earrings, necklace and bracelet. He felt punched in the stomach every time he looked at her. No woman in the entire universe could compete with her beauty.

- Don't… don't do this. You are trying… All night you kept breathing near me…

- What is wrong with me breathing? I am entitled to it. I'm human.

She was babbling, what he found adorable. He got near her, almost pressuring her against the end of the balcony while putting an arm around her waist. Buffy had to put her hands in his chest for support. His hands in her bareback were doing wonders to her treacherous body.

- Yes, but.. but.. but…

He was so close. She could smell him again.

- But what?

- Did you have to do it sooooo near me?

- Well. It is not my fault if you are so tuned to me that you can feel my breath.

- I'm not… not... tuned… to… to... you.

- No. Well… I think differently… and it seems your body too.

- Angel. I told you to stay away. Why are you not staying away?

- I tried.

- You are not trying it right now.

- I can't. You are a delicious apple and I won't let anyone eat my fruit.

- I'm not a fruit! I'm not yours either!

- Oh, you are… on both things. Believe me… a fruit I want to eat little by little… all night.

- Why… are you doing… this?

Buffy was breathing in short rasp breaths. She bit her lips nervously without knowing what she was doing to Angel's body.

- I already told you. I want you. You seduced me tonight.

- Stop… stop this. I didn't seduce you. I didn't… didn't do anything.

- Your presence is enough to seduce me. I have a proposition. You hear me and if you are not interested I'll leave you alone… tonight.

With that he put some space between them. Before Buffy could avoid it, she whimpered missing his contact.

- A proposition…

- Yes. I want you to go back home with me. No strings. No attachment. Just one night.

- One night.

- Yes. Just this night.

- I don't think this is a good idea.

- I'm not asking for a relationship. There won't be any flowers tomorrow morning just…

And he leaned to her ear to say something that made Buffy's eyes grow wild. She blushed.

- Why me? I heard women asking you out.

- Because I only… I want you. That simple. What will be your answer?

*God. Please, please, please. Let her accept it*

- Y-y-y-yes.

Angel breathed against her and wrapped his woman in his arms, kissing her hair.

- I'll wait you outside.

**Chapter 33**

Angel drove all the way to his apartment holding Buffy's hand. She didn't look at him and he was worried she would give up their night together. He pulled his car in the garage and attacked Buffy's mouth still inside it. He helped her to leave his car and they entered the elevator. As the doors closed he attacked her mouth again. They kissed viciously. Their tongues fought for dominance while he pinned her against one of the elevator walls. Buffy could not avoid herself from throwing her legs around his waist. She moaned against his mouth when he had to break the kiss when the elevator stopped in his floor.

He didn't give her time to look around his apartment. When the door closed he just pinned her against the door and ravished her whole body. He would not give her time to think about anything.

Buffy felt hot with his presence before, but she was not prepared for the strength of the feelings that were assaulting her senses due to his hungry kisses. She wanted to melt in his mouth. She was so hungry for him. The last weeks were a torture without end for her. When she said to him he should stay away she could not imagine it would be so difficult to keep herself from him. She had done it before, but for some reason now was different. She blamed it in the time she spent without human contact, but deep down she knew it was more. She knew what she was feeling.

Panic was the best word to describe how she felt. She loved him. She loved the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel, the way he held her that Friday and then one month later, the way he always said her name, the way he made love to her, the way he cared for her and the way he smiled. She was afraid he would see it in her eyes and use it against her. She was afraid to be stupid again and believe in love. She had done it before to be just punched aside.

*Think. It is just this night. Just this once! Don't love him. You can't*

**Chapter 34**

Buffy woke up nestled against Angel's chest. She opened her eyes to see him awake and looking at her… and everything she saw was love. Shining love.

- Don't!

Buffy jumped from his bed looking frantically for her clothes. They were not around.

- Don't what?

- Look at me like this. Like you...

- Like I love you. Well… I love you. I love you. I love you.

- STOP IT! Angel. You said…

- I lied. I wanted to talk to you. I want you to explain to me what happened.

- Where are my clothes? Where are my clothes? WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?

- I hid them.

- You WHAT?

- I hid them.

- Give. My. Clothes. Back. I'll call the police.

- Good luck. If you can find a telephone. By the way, I hid the battery of your cell.

She looked at him and her eyes welled up.

- Why are you doing this to me? I'm your prisoner! Is that it? You planned it, didn't you? YOU PLAYED ME!

Buffy was standing in the other side of the bed, naked and looking furiously at him with tears running down her face. He left the bed and tried to wrap her in his arms, but she fought back for a while. Finally she let go of the anger and he could hold her while she sobbed. He kissed the top of her head and caressed her hair.

- Please talk to me.

- What do you want to know? There is nothing that interesting in my life.

- I want to understand. What or Who hurt you so bad you can't give me a chance?

Angel lifted Buffy in his arms and brought her back to the bed positioning himself atop of her when she whimpered from the lack of contact. She closed her eyes and he caressed her face. He passed a finger over her lips and eyebrows. He knew she would talk to him… finally.

**Chapter 35**

- I am a freak, Angel.

- What?

- Nobody wants me. I was born to live alone.

- Buffy. This is not true. You didn't see men looking at you today. You were the most beautiful woman in that party. I had to make angry faces to at least three of them when they tried to approach you. Besides everything, I want you.

She gave a small sad laugh.

- You don't have to prize me. We slept together already.

- I'm not. I'm telling the truth.

- You know. When I was a child I wanted to play with other kids, but my mother refused it because she didn't like other people in my street. I used to… to perch myself in a chair near the window of my house so I could at least see the other girls playing in the street. She didn't like me because I was not the child of her dreams. She wanted a daughter who could cook and clean the house and instead she got stuck with me, a smart kid that was really bad at cooking or cleaning… and was different of her… of them. When I was eleven I arrived home from school and they were fighting. I think my father threatened to hit my mother because she asked him if he was going to hit her again as he did when she was pregnant with the twins. I didn't understand at first because there were no twins in our house. She said to him he should feel guilt because it was his fault that only I lived to tell the tale.

- No.

Angel whispered the word and rolled over in the bed to wrap Buffy in his arms. She cushioned her head in the crook of his shoulder feeling safe.

- Nice way to discover you were twin, huh? I asked my mother about it later and she said that she died three hours after we were born and I almost did too.

The thought of his precious dead made Angel held her tightly.

- One day money disappeared in my house. I was eleven. She accused me of stealing it, but it… it wasn't… me. From eleven to eighteen every time money disappeared I was accused. Once she caught my younger brother right after it, but she had accused me before it… and she didn't… didn't said she was sorry or asked for forgiveness… she didn't say anything to me. When I was fifteen, one day I asked her for money to buy a new pair of shoes because my old ones were torn. She gave it to me, but at the same day money disappeared from my home. When I arrived at home with them she accused me of stealing money to buy a more expensive pair. I… I…

Angel wanted so much to be there for her, but the only thing he could do was let her cry in his arms. She sobbed hard for a while and then started to tell her story again.

- I gave the receipt of my purchase, but she said that I probably got a receipt of someone else to fake the price and that she would go to the store next day to see if that was the right price. I never used the shoes. I preferred to stay with my old ones and ended winning one from a friend of mine. The same went for the school uniform. I promised myself to walk naked, but never wear anything bought with my parent's money. I never did. As… as I told you I was never good with cooking or taking care of the house. I couldn't understand why I had to clean the dishes for my brothers. My mother used to say that it was because they were men, but I couldn't accept it. Feminist much, wasn't I? So, sometimes we had fights over this kind of stuff. She was so greed. Once she discussed with me because spoons were missing or the tampon of the sink. She used to… to… to… throw things at me.

- Why didn't you ask for help?

- My mother's family was all disjointed. They were all greed and were in the middle of a battle for my granddad's money. Nobody talked with nobody. I didn't have… anyone to turn to. Sometimes I tried to talk to my friends, but they would not believe it. They always told me that it was not possible because I was the daughter that every mother would want… minus mine, of course. The few things I told to some of them only made they think I was exaggerating. My friends were more worried about jewelry, shoes, clothes and makeup. I didn't fit that world because all I wanted was to stay away from my parents as much as I could so they would not accuse me of anything. I didn't have time to think about superfluous things because I just wanted to survive. So, I spent much time studying because I thought that it was the only way I had to leave that… hell…hole.

**Chapter 36**

She cried again and Angel was really afraid of what was to come.

- I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there for you.

- Back at my home, things were pretty simple. If you lost something, I robbed you. If I lost something, I didn't know where I let it. I was fourteen when I went to the movies for the first time. My brother went with me because I was not allowed to go out alone or with friends. I used to go to my friend's houses when they were preparing to go to parties and just keep admiring their clothes and everything.

- You felt like in the window, wasn't it? Like you could see, but never touch.

- Yes. The… the day I went to the movies I refused to come back with my brother because I wanted to see the movie again. So, after I saw it I went home. My mother was waiting for me in the bus stop and… and… she said several horrible things to me, but basically that I wanted to be alone so I could be with some man… if you know what I mean. She was so mean to me. It was ironic because no man I knew wanted me. Anyway. I kind of rebelled. I started to go out with my friends and lie at home about my whereabouts. I finally ended high school and I won a grant to go to NY University, which was far away from home. My mother didn't want me to go to college. I told her that I had a grant and that I'd be moving to the campus to a dorm, she wanting it or not, and that I didn't care. She said I was lying and that I was leaving home to live with some man. I showed her my papers from the university and then she said I was leaving home so I'd go leave with a woman, if you know what a mean. I got almost all of my things, which were not much when I left for university, but I went back to get some books and notebooks. Money disappeared again. Two days later I was in the campus when she arrived in my bedroom and accused me of stealing again. When I left my house I thought that I'd be free from them finally, but I realized that my past wanted to catch up with me. Willow was my roommate. I didn't defend myself. I just heard her. I asked Willow to leave the room. I was ashamed that my roommate was hearing my mother saying those things. When Willow left the room my mother tried to…

Buffy closed her eyes and shuddered violently in his arms. Angel felt his heart sank with the knowledge it was something bad.

- What? What happened?

- She tried.. tried… tried…

- Buffy. What happened?

- She tried… to stab me in the back with scissors. I defended myself but I kind of lost my mind. I left the room running. I remember that I crossed Willow in the corridor, but I couldn't stop. I just ran and ran and ran. I wanted… I wanted… wanted… to die. I… I…

She sobbed again. It was so painful. How could someone go to hell and still have some remembrance of a self. He was proud that she made it. He cradled her and ran his hand through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

- It is ok now Buffy. You are safe. Nobody will hurt you. I promise. You don't have to talk if you don't.

- No. I've been holding on to that for so long. Feels good to get it out. Angel, I wanted to die! I prayed to God… to let some car… ran me over! Do you know how many times it almost happened? I almost drowned in the beach once. Someone saved me! The weirdest thing happened back there. A man saved and he just disappeared! When I was in safe ground he just disappeared. Nobody seemed to remember him. Now tell me I'm not a freak!

- You are not a freak. God has his way of work. Surely it was your guard angel.

- Guard angel… Angel. Was it you?

She gave him a silly smile. It amazed him that she could still be this effusive person after everything she went through.

- I guess I got… tired of running. I wandered around. I didn't care the rain… there were so much lightings. I prayed that one of them would hit me. The last thing I remember was to sit down somewhere. Willow told me the police found me at three in the morning still in the rain because someone saw me and called the cops. I got sick, spent some time in the hospital. It was difficult. Afterwards, I found some advice on what to do to prevent my parents to come near me. I filled for harassment and the judge ordered them to stay away from me. I never saw them again. She contacted me when I became famous because of the magazine… asking for money… but I remembered her the judge order was still valid. She didn't try again. The last thing I knew because I met some old friend was that two of my brothers were married, while the third, who was also the thief, was in jail. My father died. For some reason, Willow didn't believe my mother. She was nice to me and I think I found my first real friend.

- What about you father?

- He never did much. He was the kind of man who thought that his only role in the family was to be the provider. They should have divorced. I always said it to my mother, I used to pray to God it would happen. But, divorce was not something to be considered in the family. If you married, you stay married no matter what. When I was fourteen he got a nice job and started to drink. He threatened to kill us sometimes. He had a gun at home and… my first decent night of sleep was the first night I slept in my dorm in the university. My mother used to handle his money. Once she gave him money to buy his cigar, but he spent the money drinking. He accused me of stealing the money so my mother would give him money again.

Angel sucked a breath and shuddered. How could a father do this? He knew now he had to thank God for the father he had.

- Didn't any of your brothers help you?

- No. She did things when nobody was around most of the time. She also separated us by fomenting envy among us, you know, mainly about how much smart we were.

**Chapter 37**

-Didn't you have a boyfriend?

- No. Men didn't want me. I liked a guy for the first time when I was eleven. He didn't like me. Fifty others later, I still hadn't found one who would think of me more than a friend. I was stuck in the friend zone forever. Every one of them wanted to be just friends. I can't argument against it. I was skinny and ugly. A tomboy if you prefer.

- You are not ugly!

- Why would a boy or man have the hots for me with girls more beautiful and interesting around? No way. It was a game I learned fast I could not win. I didn't understand the things that every other girl understood about clothes and makeup and perfumes. I couldn't dress up like them. I didn't know how to dress up. I didn't know how to flirt with the boys, which is funny if you think that most of my friends were male. There was irony in my love life back there. My mother thought I spread myself around more than many Hollywood starlets and my girl friends thought of me as a menace to their dates. I mean. Many times, I was the one to help them to be with the guys they liked and after they started to date them they simply wanted me gone. Moreover, they got angry because the guys defended our friendship or adored me. The funny thing is that these guys never saw me as girl.

- I don't believe it.

- Sometimes one of them would give all the signs he liked me, or at least I thought so, because it was the same thing I saw the boys I knew doing to the girls they were interested. Anyway, it was never for me. They charmed me to be just friends so I could help them to conquer one of my friends. Willow says that I don't see men interested in me, but how can I if this is all I had my whole life? Even with you… I just didn't think of your interest as… well… interest.

- Just for the record, I am very interested in you.

- My friends used to make fun of me because at seventeen I had never kissed. When it happened I wished it had not. This guy kissed me to hide from people he was gay. I was so stupid. I mean, with my record, I should have known something was not right, but I think I just got happy because finally someone noticed me that I overlooked the rest. After a while, there was this other guy. He liked to stay with me in parties, but didn't want to date me. Well. He never talked to me one whole week after it. One day he said he would not date me because I was a virgin. He said that it was because virgins mean compromise and he didn't want it. I felt horrible. I mean… don't men want to be the first? Was I so ugly that not even for sex I was good? Anyway, I was nineteen and I decided to forget about the whole love scenario. I had problems at home and I would just get myself hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt… because of it.

Buffy's voice was dejected of any emotion talking about this. It was like she was talking about something commonplace. Her eyes seemed unfocused as if she was lost in the reminders of her sad past. Angel would give everything to have been there for her. To erase so much horrible things.

**Chapter 38**

- I met Brendan in a fraternity house party. He seemed to be attracted to me, but he flirted with more girls in the party. So, I didn't have any reason to believe he was particularly interested in me. He broke up with his girlfriend after a while and started to chase me. I never had a man interested in me before so I didn't know how to deal with it.

- As… as with me?

- Yeah. He asked me to date him. I overlooked everything again. We dated for a month. I didn't know I was the rebound girl. He… he planned his birthday party and was going to propose to me.

- So he wanted to marry you.

- No. Not really.

- Thank God!

- Angel!

- I mean it. I'd never have you!

- I knew about it before the party and I told to one of his friends, who was the one helping him with the _surprise_ that I didn't want it. I thought it was too soon for that and there was the whole problem with my parent's marriage. He didn't do it, but after he became weird… I don't know how to explain exactly. We had a little disagreement about some other thing. He broke up with me and went back to his ex. After a while, I discovered it was all a setup so he could make the other girl jealous.

- Son of…

- _But_ he told me he could not be with me anymore… you know. He ended it properly. I was glad he did it because it showed he cared for me enough to leave me a notice. Two months after he left, he started to come to me again. I didn't want anything with him because I respect other women lawn. But then all the drama with my mother happened and I gave in. I didn't want to die a virgin after all, as a matter of fact, I hated that condition. I was a little wild and tired of being Miss Do Everything Right and not being happy, so I decided what the hell? Let's have some fun! We slept together and afterwards I discovered his girlfriend was pregnant. I broke up with him. But he didn't want it. He came after me…

Buffy felt Angel body tense under her and thought she was talking too much.

- He didn't force you, did he? Because if he did I will hunt him down and beat the crap out of him.

- No. No. But he didn't accept the breakup. I didn't want to break with him firstly… but I wanted to do the right thing. We ended together again after eight months and I became…

- the mistress?

- Yeah. For four more years. I'm not proud of it. But it was the closest thing I had to what people call love. Many women took this for granted. I knew a girl that was always so unpleasant to her boyfriend and he was a caring person. I kept thinking that she was a big idiot to have someone so good and behave like a loony. Brendan was good for a while. I told him some of things about me, my past. I cried a lot in his shoulders. But I don't know. After the hunt ended with me conquered, I think that he lost interest. We had a fight one day. After a week, he came to me to talk, but we ended going physical. I thought we worked things out… I didn't want to be alone again. Well… after it he just disappeared. I called twice, but he didn't attend. I think I deserved it… maybe because I was the mistress he just didn't respect me enough to say anything…

- Buffy. You didn't do anything to deserve any of this. He was a jerk. Don't put the blame in you. Put the blame where it belongs. For me, this guy just took advantage of you in a moment of weakness to have his way.

- Thank you for defending me. The final act was… was… one month and a half later I discovered…

She had to stop because emotion overtook her again.

-… I was pregnant. Of course, I was scared when the doctor said it… I mean… I was completely insane with precautions. I made him use condom and I was on the pill. The doctor said that maybe because of the entire emotional roller coaster I went through, my hormones were crazy and the condom must have broken. Afterwards I was so happy. I… I…left her office and went to buy my first baby clothes. I decided to take care of the baby alone. I was...so... stupid. I thought that nobody could take the baby. I thought that finally I'd had someone to … to… give… my love… you know. I would never be alone again. I lost the baby fifteen days later. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want people pestering me about the father and everything else so I kept quite before… and… and… after. I still worked in _Mode _back there. One day I felt something in my panties. I went to the ladies room and there was blood. I called my ob-gyn and went directly to the hospital. They could not… could not… save… the baby. The doctor said there was no reason for the miscarriage. But, of course there was a reason… M-M-E-E! That is why I felt so sad and a little bitch that Friday. It was the… the… day. I spent the night in the hospital and when I thought about everything I concluded I… was… born to live alone. My own mother, who carried within her for nine months, could…. couldn't love me. Why… why… how… could I wait… for… anyone… else…to do it?

Finally she broke down completely. Her body trembled convulsively against Angel and he finally understood how much emotional pain this woman held inside. Her sobs were loud and he could feel they came almost from the soul. She suffered so much. Lost so much. How she made it?

His eyes welled up and the tears came. He cried for the woman he loved.

**Chapter 39**

Angel rolled over the bed looking for Buffy and bolted up when he didn't find her. He had held her up to sleep. For a moment he got panicked, but he reminded that he had hidden her clothes and the door keys, so she'd not leave. He left his bed and wandered around the apartment to find her standing up near the glass door to the balcony staring at the blackness of the night outside.

- Buffy?

- You have a nice view from here.

- Thank you. Are you ok?

- I… tried you know.

- Buffy.

- I… I… love you. I tried not to, but I couldn't… can't stop.

Angel covered the distance between them so fast Buffy jumped back. He just took her in his arms.

- Will… will you give us a chance?

- I.. I don't know! I am sooooooooooo scared, Angel. Brendan promised me…

- Do not compare me to him!

Angel said it between his teeth.

- I'm not. I can't compare! I've never felt like this with him. I was never jealous or envious of anyone as I was during that party yesterday. I didn't know I could be jealous Mr. If you want to be with me…

- I'll take it! I discovered that I can be jealous too.

- I never felt this rested and sated, you know. Brendan was only two hours every week, if much. He never made me feel this cared, loved, cherished. I never had… I… he never gave me… when we had sex I never… He tried, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to lose him so after sometime I faked it. I got partially scared of you because it was so easy to feel it in your arms. I just go all excited when you are around… I feel ashamed.

- Glad I'm of service. Buffy, you don't have to feel ashamed of anything. You are the strongest woman I've ever know. Be sure that I feel the same way when you are around. Buffy, I don't want any lies or misunderstood between us. I have to tell something.

- k!

- When you kicked me out of your office… no… I know why you did it. Well, Willow, Xander and I did something.

- What?

- Xander used his knowledge and investigated you.

- WHAT?

- Buffy. We were confused by your reaction to the flowers. Every one that saw you said you were much happier than normally and you just lost it. Willow was already worried about you because she noticed the same day every year you just got sad and distant. She told us about the day your mother went to your university and the scandal. We just summed it up and realized something really bad had happened to you. We didn't know everything, but we decided to confront you. Xander discovered you lost the baby.

She was still in his arms while he spoke and he was afraid she'd reject him again, but she didn't make any move so he just kissed the top of her head.

- Only… I couldn't wait anymore. I mean… in the party every male… was looking at you and I realized that I had to make the move or I'd beat the crap out of someone!

She giggled against his chest.

- It is ok I guess. Angel… I'm sorry about the flowers. I… they showed that you cared for me, that you had feelings for me… You have feelings for me, right?

Angel gave a loop sided smile and kissed her forehead.

- Yes.

- I couldn't believe it… I didn't want… I don't want to get hurt again. What if I believed and then it was like before… when men gave signs and I just misunderstood them. I'm glad you made the move because I would have kicked some women butt back there too. I had to put up with at least three of them offering to… you know.

- I know. It is nice to know this. Next time…

- There won't be a next time Mr.

- Ok. But I know now how to make you be with me. Just parade around with some other woman! By the way, Xander beat Brendan.

- WHAT?

- He told me that after his disappearance he found Brendan and beat him for what he did. To be truthful I have the strange need to beat the bastard too, but then I realize I'm here and he is not.

Buffy slapped Angel's butt.

- I never felt he could be my friend, Angel. I suffered when he left despite all of this. I can't imagine what will happen when…

- Nothing will happen. You are stuck with me Miss. I won't leave you. You won't be free again.

- No. Curious! I feel a lot free right now.

Buffy giggled against Angel's body. He kissed Buffy and lifted her in his arms to go back to their bed.

**Chapter 40**

Buffy woke up to see Angel sleeping with his face near her. She was sated and unbelievably happy. How could she have such a sexy and nice man for her? She told him everything about her life and she was waiting he would freak out and forget about her, but he was so completely supportive that she still could not believe. She was luck. After looking at him for some time, she caressed his eyebrow making him to wake up.

- Hey. Morning.

- Hey. Morning my beauty. It's nice to see your face first thing in the morning.

- It's good.

- Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Buffy was surprised by his request.

- Be… your… girlfriend? I don't know. I mean, I was abducted… Hummm, but I can't tell anything to upset my raptor… yes. I'll be your girlfriend.

Angel tickled Buffy and she runoff to the bathroom. Sometime later, after other things and a shower they were in the kitchen eating breakfast.

- Angel. You still owe me a kitchen table. Do you know that?

- Me! Why would I own you table? It is not my fault if your furniture are not strong enough.

Buffy showed her tongue to him and leaned for a kiss.

- Also, I need my clothes.

- What for?

- Angel. I need to go home.

- No. No going home. Last time we separate in a Sunday you kicked me out of your life. I won't give you the chance to do it a second time.

- Angel.

Angel left his chair and positioned himself in front of Buffy. She whimpered when he kissed the side of her neck and wrapped her legs around his waist.

- You are delicious using my shirt. I think I'm jealous of it because it is nearer you than me. Tonight… or… tomorrow… morning… we can go to your place so you can put on some clothes. You won't need them today anyway.

- Angel!

**Chapter 41**

- Oh. My. Good! What is this?

She couldn't believe the amount of people in front of his building.

- I don't…

It seemed that paparazzi decided to live in front of Angel's building. Angel left the garage and they heard questions shouted: "are you dating?", "how much time are you together". Buffy groaned and he touched her hands.

- Now we know!

- I guess someone saw us. I soooooooo don't want to see any news today.

Angel kissed her hands. He drove to her condo to find the same commotion in the entrance. He stopped the car in front of her house and turned to look at her. Buffy was nervous.

- Buffy. What is it?

- Angel. Do you… do you know what this mean? These people dig the worst about everyone and...

- Buffy. We deal, ok.

- Ok.

Buffy took a shower, changed clothes and left again with Angel.

- I hate this.

- I know. They will forget us in no time. Tomorrow we will be old news.

Angel stopped the car at _Fashion _private entrance because it was impossible to use the main one. He leaned to kiss Buffy.

- I'll see you tonight.

- K.

- Buffy, don't worry.

- Angel, my past is worth years of… my mother…

He interrupted her with kisses.

- Buffy. You had a hard life, but you can't let it drive your new one. We deal when it comes. Don't suffer in advance.

She gave him a small smile.

- Why didn't I find you a little early?

- That is a nice question. See you soon!

Buffy arrived in her office without any mishap, but she had to cope with people looking disguisedly at her.

- Hi. Harmony. Good morning.

- Morning, Buffy.

- Buffy!

- Hi, Willow.

**Chapter 42**

Willow grabbed Buffy and almost throwed her inside her own office.

- Willow!

- Don't Willow me! It's share time… So, do we have a new couple around here? Do you have a boyfriend?

- I thought you read about it already.

- Yes, but we know about paparazzi and some magazines… they lie just for the sake of numbers. I want to hear it from you. I saw you two talking if we can say you were only talking back there. Was he seducing you?

- Willow!

- Buffy! Come on!

- Let's just say he used some pressure.

- I knew it would happen. You two were too jumpy around each other for nothing to happen. Of course, I called you Saturday after you disappeared and I called Angel too… who also mysteriously took off. James told us he saw you leaving with him. It was impossible to find you two, so… as long as I know two and two are still four. Boyfriend?

- Well. We kind… are dating…

- Oh, Buffy… this is wonderful! I knew it would happen. He is such a nice man.

- I know. He asked you know. Like "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" I thought I'd never hear such a proposition. Will. He… he told me what you did… about the investigation. He confronted me back in his home. He… he kind of kept me his prisoner.

- HE WHAT?

- We went to his house. He hid my clothes, mine and his cell phones and the house phones so I would not leave. He made me tell him about everything.

- Oh, oh! Buffy. We… we were worried about you. For the last four years we saw you sad one day every year, always the same day. It was perfectly clear for everyone to see that you had feelings for him and something was wrong with you. We wanted to help you and him. Sorry if we took you for granted. We were so happy when your relationship with Brendan ended because he was not being good for you that we overlooked your feelings. I mean I couldn't understand how you could be with him, but then I had a normal life, I was a cared for kid.

- No, Will. It is ok. I was wrong too. I should have trusted you, but I was so used never to ask for help that I just closed up in myself.

- So, how are you feeling now that you have a boyfriend?

Buffy opened a huge smile.

- He is fun!

- Yeah. And that body has nothing to do with it!

- Willow… marriage remember.

- Yeah. I'm married but I didn't lose my sight. I am happy for you.

- Thanks. Better work now.

- Hey, Buffy. Here is your mail.

- Thank you, Harmony.

There was another letter without address, which Buffy knew what had inside. Buffy just throwed it in one of the drawers in her desk. For the rest of the week she would do the same thing.

**Chapter 43**

Angel parked his car in the parking lot of the building where his office was and same as Buffy's the door was full of paparazzi. He entered the building without talking to any of them.

- Morning, Cordelia.

- Morning, boss. Phone rang all day. Many people want to talk to the star of the moment. Quite some covers you did today.

Angel groaned and picked up some of them.

"_Angel O'Connor, sex god, is dating again"_

"_Fashion editor is dating famous photographer"_

"_Caught in the corner, they are dating!"_

The last news title had a picture of him and Buffy very intimate in the balcony.

- I hope she doesn't see this.

- So. You two are an item now?

- Yes.

- I didn't see that coming. You said she didn't want to. I hope you are happy.

Cordelia gave a smile to Angel.

- I am. We worked our issues.

- Well. Darla finally will give peace to you.

- I hope so. I hope _she _does see it. I won't talk to any gossip magazine. If they call just say that I won't discuss my particular life with them.

- Ok.

The phone rang that moment.

- Ooooops! Phone!

- Yes. Yes. He is here. It's your mother.

- Hi, mom.

- Hi, sweet. Will I meet this one?

- You saw the news huh?

- Yes. Can you give me an answer?

- I'll take her with me for the lunch next Sunday… if she wants to go.

- That is wonderful! Your father will love it. Jenny said she will make it here this year as well as Drusilla. Jenny will bring the twins with her beside Dawn. William and Faith will be around too. I sooooo want them to get married.

- Why?

- So they will bicker at their house, but they are perfect for each other. I'd never thought I'd see the rebel of my sons married.

- What about Doyle?

- I don't know. He didn't say if he would come. It seems he has something from the university to end with that friend of his, Whistler, I think is the name. So, are you bringing your actual girlfriend here? Is it serious?

- Yes.

- Serious as in marriage serious?

- Mom.

- Angel. You are thirty three. It is time for you to settle.

- Yes. I know, but I didn't want anyone. It seems I found the right one, so… maybe.

- Maybe. Why maybe? Do you think she would say no? Why would she say no to one of my sons? I raised all of you right.

- Mom. Quit with the babbling. To be true she rejected me at first, but things worked out for the best.

- Uh! So you had to hunt.

- Pretty much.

- Then, she is a nice girl already. I want to know this girl.

Angel heard his mother screaming to his father the girl was marriage material.

- Your father tells me he wants her here next Sunday.

**Chapter 44**

Buffy entered Angel's office to find Cordelia hanging up the phone.

- Hi, Buffy.

- Hi. Angel?

- His studio. You can't enter. The red light is turned on so he is still working with his photos.

- No problem. I'll wait in the office.

- Ok.

Angel worked all day in his studio to finish the batch of pictures he took during the party for the opening of the Fashion Week.

- Cordelia. Are you still here?

- Yes. I didn't know if you would need me.

- You can go home.

- Ok. Buffy is in your office.

Angel went to this office… to find Buffy sat in his table, crossed legs and using nothing but a pair of high heeled black boots and a red scarf. He just stood there openmouthed.

- What? Did the cat eat your tongue?

Everything he could do was open his mouth to say her name, but no sound was heard.

- Cordelia, is Angel here?

- Darla, what are you…

Both women heard a moan coming from Angel's office.

- What is this?

Cordelia tried to hold her, but Darla went straight to Angel's office… to find him in front of a non clothed Buffy with her legs around his waist. Angel turned around with the invasion and stood in front of Buffy to protect her with his large frame.

- Darla what hell are you doing here?

Angel spoke between his teeth. He was furious with the interruption and with the woman who caused it.

- What is this?

- Darla, this is me and my _girlfriend _having some quality time. Care to leave… _please_.

- Angel… you can't… I mean… I'm here for you.

- DARLA… ARE YOU DEAF?

- I… I… I've read some things today about you dating… Well, it seems they are true.

- Well. Yes. It is true. Darla, I already told you to leave me alone.

- Uh… people. Angel and I would like to be alone right now, and for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away.

Darla looked Buffy with nothing but pure hate and venom in her eyes. She framed Angel with disgust, turned around and stormed out of Angel's office with Cordelia behind her, closing the door.

**Chapter 45**

- Buffy, quit fidgeting around. Why are you so nervous?

- Angel. I'm going to meet your parents, I'm nervous. What if they don't like me? I asked Willow how it was when she had to meet the parents of some of her boyfriends. I just…

Angel kissed her.

- What was that for?

- They say it is a good sedative. Besides… it is been too long since I kissed you.

- You know. You are this calm because you will never know my parents. If you were in my place…

He kissed her again.

- Oh, god! The door of your house opened. There is a woman standing there. Can I… can I go home?

- No. Come on, Buffy! My mom doesn't bite.

Buffy made a face to him and mustered all her courage to leave the car. Angel entwined his hand with hers and they walked to the door.

- Hi, mom.

His mother kissed his cheek.

- Mom. This is Buffy. Buffy this is my mother Joyce.

- Hi. Mrs. O'Connor.

Joyce pulled Buffy into an embrace.

- Please, no pleasantries around here. Call me Joyce and we are ok. Darling, are you shaking?

- I… I'm sorry. Just my nerves getting the best of me.

Joyce giggled.

- Horrible huh to know the future in-laws. I still remember how I felt when I met Giles's parents for the first time. Come on, sweet. Believe me. In five minutes, you will feel like you belong here.

- Thank you.

Joyce put her arms around Buffy's shoulder to get her and Angel inside.

Angel's parents house had a magnificent reception hallway with maple floor, which they followed up to a big room that was the living and TV room… where at least eight pair of eyes turned to her.

- People. Meet Buffy, Angel's girlfriend.

Buffy heard "hi" and "it was time already for Angel to bring a girlfriend home".

- Hi.

- Hey, people. Behave. Buffy, this is my husband, Giles.

- Hi, Mr…

- No Mr, sweet. Just Giles.

- Thank you.

- The brunette who insists into being bleach blond over there is my son William and the brunette with him is his fiancée Faith. That is my oldest, Jenny, her twins Andrew and David and her daughter Dawn. That over there is my son Doyle. The brunette over there is my other daughter Drusilla who is with her husband Riley.

- It's many people. Sorry if I can't remember all the names immediately.

- No problem. You will have time to talk to everyone. Angel, sweet, why don't you go pick up some drink for Buffy? We have orange juice and beer around here. What do you want?

- Juice is good.

Joyce waited for Angel to bring Buffy's juice and announced.

- So. Girls… girl talk. Garden.

All men in the room groaned, while the women went outside. William was the first to say something.

- Is it my impression or our mother always wants to interrogate our girlfriends?

**Chapter 46**

- So. How did you meet Angel?

- Well. We met in a party seven months ago. Four months later he went to work in _Fashion_…

- He said you gave him a hard time.

- Well. I… I had… well, bad things happened to me before and I was not the bigger believer in love. It was not like I was being difficult or anything I just didn't want him…

All women looked at her as if she was from the moon.

- … at that moment, but he was insistent.

- And you gave in.

- Had to. Your son can be very hardheaded sometimes.

- Yeah, I know. You are the first girlfriend he brings home.

- You are kidding!

- No. We only knew he had a girlfriend after he became famous because we saw it in magazine covers. When we asked when we would meet the girl he would say soon, but he never brought anyone. He always broke up with them before he decided to do it. He is the most sensitive of my sons, so I think he was only waiting for the right girl to bring home. He loved photography and studied most of the time. I'm not saying he didn't date before the fame. He was a magnet for girls.

- I can understand.

- Yes. But nothing really serious enough. I hope you know he is a wonderful person.

- I know. How… how was he when he was a child?

That was enough for Joyce to go around talking about her sons and daughters childhood. How Angel at age of six after a class about plants and seeds decided to eat orange seeds, drink enough water and stay in the sun to see if a plant would grow in his belly. She told her a history of William, who since a kid loved motorbikes, and decided to run around the house doing motorbike noises with his mouth, and how he would threaten everyone that made fun of him. Drusilla used to call every woman mommy because she never looked up. William and Angel beating up the crap out of a guy who dated Drusilla and was mean to her. It was easy to say the kids had a happy childhood. She told Buffy about the day Angel broke his arm while trying to be an acrobat. Joyce was right, Buffy really felt at home.

After a while, Angel missed Buffy and went to the Garden followed by the other men in the house. He stood up in the door just to see how things were going and saw her happily talking with his mother and Jenny, while holding one of the twin in her arms.

He left his observatory position and went to her. He leaned over her and kissed her lips softly.

- Hey, Uncle Angel. There are at least three kids around.

- Dawn, you are fifteen. Are you trying to tell you didn't kiss any boy? What about…

- Uncle Angel!

He gave her a loop sided smile and turned to Buffy.

- How are things? What were you talking about?

- You mother was telling me about the day you decided to grow a plant in your belly, ah… and when you decided that you had to paint your head just like William and had to go to the hospital because of an allergy. She said you were not a good acrobat.

**- **Mom, please! Don't tell anymore stories about me to Buffy. You are giving her reasons never to marry me.

- So, Joyce. Do you have anything more to tell me about Angel.

- Yes. Oh, I remember one of his birthday parties.

- No. Mom!

- What? Now I want to know.

- Well. We made him believe that we would not be at home at night, while we prepared his birthday party to be a surprise. He was to be fifteen. He woke up, we congratulated him, but still nobody at home at night. He came back from his basketball game and we heard his voice in the hall mumbling about parents and birthday. The house was dark. He took his clothes off there… I mean he took _all_ of his clothes off. I didn't know who was more surprised when we screamed "surprise". He was the family joke, our punch bag for… I don't know… a month at least. Not necessary to say that after seeing his… uh… predicaments many girls came around.

Buffy was laughing so much she almost spilled beer in Angel's chest. Joyce called the boys to do the hard work of carrying the food to the table outside. In the kitchen, she held Angel's arms and kissed his forehead.

- I like her. If I were you I'd secure her just in case. I think a Claddagh ring is in order there.

**Chapter 47**

- Morning.

- Morning. So, did you like my family?

- Yes. They were wonderful.

- Buffy. I… I... have something to give to you.

- Angel, you don't have to give me anything.

- I do. I wanted to ask you yesterday, but well… you were a little out of control…

- I was the one out of control Mr.? You were the one who couldn't wait.

- At least we are even.

- Even?

- Yes. You owe me a chair since you broke…

- We broke.

- Ok, we broke it. Since I was in debit with you. We are even.

- Angel we have to stop this broke furniture thing.

He smiled and left the bed to come back with a little package in his hand. It was a small square one and Buffy had watched many movies to know what it could be.

- Buffy. I'm half Irish and back in there we have some costumes when we found the one we would like to live forever with. There people exchange this as a sign of devotion. It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody.

Buffy's eyes welled up. The rings were beautiful and she knew the meaning behind. She was completely taken by surprise with the fact that she didn't feel fear as she felt before when Brendan wanted to do the same, maybe because this time it was true. Now it felt right. It felt love.

- There is a pair.

- Yes. I want the world to know that _we_ belong to each other. I know we know each other a little over three months, but since I rested my eyes on you all those months ago I knew, for some reason, that I found the woman who would be perfect for me and I _really_ hope you feel the same. Do you want to marry me?

Buffy looked at his eyes and lifted an arm to use one of her finger to draw his eyebrows. Angel closed his eyes a little afraid that she would say no. He was trembling.

- Can you… can you put mine?

Angel opened his eyes slowly not believing his ears. She was saying eyes?

- Only if you put mine.

**Chapter 48**

To Cordelia's surprise, Angel arrived at his office holding Buffy while she laughed almost hysterically because he was tickling her.

- Cordelia. If someone calls me tell I'll be at _Fashion_. I'll go inside just to pick the photos and we can go.

Buffy stayed in the reception area and Cordelia notice a beautiful ring in her finger.

- Beautiful ring.

- Thank you. It's a Claddagh ring. Angel and I are engaged.

- Oh my!

Cordelia hugged Buffy.

- Boss. You didn't tell me you would get engaged to Buffy. I hope you are happy.

- I'm. I am going. Anything needed call me at _Fashion_. Harmony will know where to find me.

Angel tickled Buffy again and they left his office embraced. He drove to her office and let her in front of her door with a soft kiss in the lips.

They started to whisper to each other at the door.

- I'll see you soon. Can we have lunch?

- Yes. Don't want to come in?

- No. If I do that, we won't work this morning. You know. You are a monster.

- Me. If that is true it is your fault.

They were whispering in the door of Buffy's office and almost kissing, but Buffy coughed and looked up when Harmony arrived back to her desk.

- Morning Harmony.

- Morning Harmony.

Angel kissed Buffy softly and left. Willow arrived in that moment to discuss something about the next number of the magazine.

- Oh. My. God. Are you…

Buffy grabbed her friend by the arm and closed the door behind them.

- Is it me or you are wearing a ring in your ring finger?

- Yes. It is a ring. Angel gave me. We are engaged.

- Wow! Wow! Wow! So when will it be?

- We didn't decide yet.

- Buffy. You are getting married. This is… this is… wow! I think that things with his mother were ok though?

- Yes. They were. His family is amazing. He has two other brothers and two sisters. He has two nephews that happen to be twins and a niece of fifteen years. He will be a nice fine man when he is old if he takes to his father. He has the same humor of his mother though.

- Buffy. You are in love with him. Truly, deeply, madly in love.

- I know! I'll be silly all day.

- When did he ask?

- This morning. I kind of woke up to be asked.

- That is sweet.

- What can I say? I'm a luck woman.

- So. I hope your prepare a bank saving account for Steve's university.

Willow joked and held a huge smile. It was wonderful to see her friend this happy.

- Huh?

- Well. You have to thank him. After all, it was his hurry to be born that allowed you to go to the Ball and met him.

Buffy broke in a huge smile and hugged Willow.

- That is true. I'll think about it.

Both girls reverted to talk about their work when Harmony called Buffy two hours later.

- Buffy. There is a beautifully wrapped box here for you.

- Harmony, can you please bring it here? I am in the middle of an important call.

- Sure.

Harmony entered the room and put the box over Buffy's table, who spent other five minutes talking in the phone while Willow eyed the box.

- This must be Angel's.

- Yeah.

Buffy removed the wrapping of the box and opened it. The next thing Willow saw was Buffy clasping her mouth with her hand and fainting.

**Chapter 49**

- Buffy!

Willow ran for Buffy and looked inside the box. She choked in a breath.

- Harmony! Harmony! Call Xander!

- What happ…

- Call Xander! Now! Oh my god!

Willow was breathing with difficult. Angel.

- Harmony. Call an ambulance! Call Angel too!

Angel was the first to arrive at Buffy's office.

- Willow. What is…

Angel didn't have to finish. Willow was near Buffy on the floor and her face was white. Angel knelt in front of Buffy and tried to touch her so he could lift her in his arms, but Willow held him.

- No!

Angel's voice was distressed.

- Why? Willow, what… what happened? Why…

- She fainted and beat her head hard on the floor. It is better if we don't touch her. A doctor is coming.

Xander arrived shortly before this.

- Xander!

- Willow. What is happening here? How did you…?

- The box. The box in her table. Look inside.

Willow ran for the bathroom, while Xander went for the box.

- Man!

- What? What is in the damn box?

- Angel. Stay where you are. You won't want to see this.

Angel left Buffy's side to see what was happening. He could not believe his eyes when he looked inside the box. It was a monstrosity. There was a chicken head and his photo. Blood was everywhere in the box and a note saying _"I had the courage to kill it. I will kill you. Leave him"._

**Chapter 50**

Angel went back to Buffy's side wanting desperately to lift her in his arms, cradle her near his chest. Someone was threatening his beloved, and it seemed, because of him. He felt like dying if something happened to her.

After a while, someone tried to get to her, but he resisted at first. Only when he heard Willow's voice telling a doctor needed to see the bump in Buffy's head he woke up of his trance.

- Angel. She will be ok. We had to call an ambulance. She fell and hit her head hard on the floor.

- I just want her ok. I just want her awake. Why is she not awaking?

- Calm down.

After examining Buffy, one of the paramedics got up to talk with Angel and Willow.

- I think she is ok. Her breath and heartbeat are steady, but we will take her to a hospital for some exams.

Angel got tensed and pale.

- Exams. Why exams? Tell me!

- Angel. Calm down. They want to be sure she is ok. That is all.

- Willow. Don' let anyone touch the box. I called the police. I'll go back to my office to pick up some tools to help collecting evidences.

Angel ran his hand through his hair. He took shallow breaths and looked helplessly as the paramedics lifted Buffy onto a stretcher.

- One of you can go with her in the ambulance.

- I'll go. I am her fiancé.

The ride to the hospital was fast and two hours later she was settled in a private room. Thankfully, nothing bad happened, although she had a concussion.

He was there just holding her hand when he heard her whispering his name.

- Hey, baby.

- Hey. Where am I?

- Hospital.

- Hospital. I don't like hospitals. Can I go to your home?

- No. They want to keep you here. I want you here. You fell and beat your head a little hard, which caused a concussion. So, you will be in observation until tomorrow morning.

- The box… Angel… there was…

Angel's eyes welled up when he saw her crying. He didn't want to think of his life without her.

- Shshshshs. It is ok. Calm down, for me, calm down. You can't have strong emotions. I saw what was in it. Don't worry. We will find who did it.

- Please, just hold me. I don't… want… be… without… you. These presents… they kept coming… letters.

Angel pulled her in his arms and called a nurse using the call system near Buffy's bed. She needed some sedative so she would be less agitated.

- Buffy. Are you telling me it is not the first time…

- Yes. Before… letters… drawer… my desk.

- She shouldn't be out of bed.

- I know. She is agitated and nervous. I called you. Can you… can you give her something so she can sleep a little?

The nurse looked at the eyes of the young man in front of her and took pity on him. His eyes were red and he was really worried about the girl.

- Yes.

- I… don't want anything.

- Buffy. You need to rest. I won't leave you alone. I promise.

- Promise?

Angel kissed her fingers. Buffy sighed as she drifted to sleep safely under Angel's eyes.

**Chapter 51**

Angel was looking at Buffy while she slept in their bed. Two weeks after leaving the hospital she was still shaken. She usually woke in the middle of night sweating and trembling, screaming for him, and could sleep only during the day.

They had found the letters in her drawer and he still couldn't understand why she kept everything hidden. She could have died. The letters were horrible. Some of them had only "HE IS MINE", but some had "LEAVE HIM" or "HE BELONG TO ME" or "HE HAS A MISTRESS" or "ALL KILL HIM". He felt his anger boiling towards her attacker and towards her because she could have died and nobody would known about those letters.

He talked to Xander and Wesley, who were helping the police with the investigation and their security. They found human hair in the box and inside one of the letters. They run a DNA test and discovered the hairs were of the same person, a female. They would compare the DNA fingerprinting with samples of women around without they knew it. It hurt him to think someone who knew them, knew Buffy, would do something so appalling, but Xander and Wesley were right. Nobody could be trusted. He knew, however, who she was. Darla. He was sure it was she and she just disappeared.

- Angel.

- Hey.

- Come here.

- No. Buffy. You have to rest. I'll go to my mother's house. I'll take the cell phone and Dwayne is outside. I'll be back as soon as possible.

- Angel.

Angel didn't want to talk to her while she was still so weak. Maybe his mother could help to sort everything out. He drove to his parent's house and found his mother taking care of the garden.

- Hey, Sweet.

- Hi. Mom.

- Am I seeing a Claddagh?

- Yes. We are engaged.

- But…

- How do you always know when there is a 'but'?

- I am your mother.

Angel told his mother a short version of everything that had happened since he rested his eyes on Buffy for the first time waiting for her diagnostic.

- I think you are in panic, Angel. You are afraid that this person could have hurt Buffy and you wouldn't know. You love her, don't you? So, talk to her. Besides, her life story is scary. How many people would believe it? She must be afraid and ashamed. You are also being an ass, you know, my son!

- Mom!

- No mom me! Put yourself in her place. She suffered a lot in her life, Angel. You can't just ask her to trust you or anyone suddenly. You are in her life now, but before you there was almost nobody there for her. Behaving angrily won't solve the problem. Have you thought that behaving like this can be as scary as everything she went through already?

**Chapter 52**

Buffy was in the balcony. Angel's apartment had a beautiful view and she wanted to look at it for the last time. She was losing him. The way he was behaving this last week. He was calm and gentle, but sometimes she caught a look on his face. He didn't want to touch her. He avoided looking at her. Better to leave first before he kicked her out his life.

She just turned around when Angel opened the door, still talking with Dwayne, one of their body guards. He surveying the sight in front of him and didn't need much to understand what was happening.

- Where are you going? Are… are you leaving me?

- Yes.

- Care to explain why?

- Yes. I'm not stupid Angel. You don't want me in your life anymore. So, before you kick me out of here, I'm leaving. I… I'm really sorry if I brought so many problems to your life. I really am. I tried to avoid it, but I c…

Angel kissed her. He attacked her lips hungrily, lifted her up and carried her to their bedroom. After lying her down on the bed he took care of their clothes so they could be one again. He missed her. He loved her so much. His mother was right. He was completely panicked with the possibility of losing her.

During some time only loud moans were heard in the apartment… and unknowingly to the lovers, they were not alone. After a while they were in each other arms sated. Both were afraid to speak and break everything apart. Angel was the one to talk.

- Buffy. I don't want you to leave.

- But, but… you were behaving weird… and…

- Buffy. I was furious with you.

- Me! Why?

- Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw you on the floor? When Willow told me you hit your head when you fell? I got scared that I'd never see your hazel eyes again. I never wished to die before.

- Angel. It was not my fault.

- I know. It wasn't that. But after it when I discovered about the letters. Why were you hiding them from us, from me?

- I… I didn't want any of you brought into my freaking life. Strange things happened to me all my life and I had to deal with them alone. I thought I could deal with it alone. I thought whoever the person was, she or he would stop after a while because I didn't believe you had… feelings for me. I didn't think we'd be together like this. It didn't work. I know I should have talked with someone, but I felt ashamed. Just like before… No… just let me take it out. I know I shouldn't, Angel, but how can I explain it to you? It's like my brain is programmed this way and is hard to break the habit. Angel… It is… it is difficult for me to ask for help… because before when I tried I was shut down by people.

- Buffy. You are not alone anymore. You won't ever be. We have to reprogram your brain. We have to fight to keep our relationship. We have to be strong because strong is fighting for our relationship. It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. You can't just think I don't love you anymore just because we had an argument. You can't just pick up a bag, throw some of your things in and leave me. Besides, I think you are going to be a sexy lady of fifty years. I _really_ want to grow old with you. Where is your ring?

- I… took it and let it on the phone table in the living room.

- I'll get it back.

Angel was kissing Buffy when his phone rang. He went to the living room while talking.

- Hello. Oh, hi, Xander. You know. Who? WHAT?

- Hi, Angel.

**Chapter 53**

- What… what are you doing here?

- I have a key, remember.

Angel couldn't believe his eyes. She was inside his house… and holding a gun.

- Where is Miss Editor-in-chief?

- She is not here.

He looked to the door to his bedroom and prayed that Buffy stayed there. He left the phone connected so Xander could hear everything and call for help. He had to win some time.

- So. Are you betraying her already? I heard a lot of moans and whispers and all sort of dreadful sounds coming from your bedroom.

- Where is Dwayne?

- He is sleeping right now. At least I think?

- Why are you doing this?

- Why do you think I am doing it? YOU ARE MINE! Nobody will take you from me, Angel.

- Angel. Who is screaming? What is… Cordelia?

- Yeah, me, Cordelia. Surprise!

Cordelia gave a hysterical laugh while holding a gun aimed at her. Buffy's eyes grew wide when she realized what was happening. Angel moved to stand in front of her.

- Was it you? You sent the letters? You…

- Yes. Me. Me. Me.

The brunette jumped around smiling.

- Cordelia, I never… I never did anything to you. Why are…

- Oh, please! Why? YOU DID SOMETHING TO ME! YOU TOOK HIM FROM ME! After… after Darla, I thought it was my chance… but, but, YOU APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE! I ADVISED YOU TO LEAVE HIM, but you didn't, DID YOU?

Cordelia swung the hand holding the gun in front of Buffy and Angel.

- Cordelia. Isn't Buffy's fault? I was the one to come for her over and over. She didn't want me.

- You gave her a ring. You are marrying this BITCH! Don't you see she is not right for you.

- Cordelia. You have Gunn.

- Gunn! Gunn was just a physical distraction for me while I waited to get to you. Don't you see I'd be perfect for you. We are destined for each other. Our babies will be so beautiful. THE SOUNDS YOU MADE WITH THIS…WHORE… were infuriating! Disgusting! She didn't have class, style or elegance, Angel! How could you go for something so low?

Angel could hear the sound of police sirens. He hoped he and Buffy could make it alive. Angel gave one step behind when he saw Cordelia preparing the gun to shoot. She was holding the gun with shake hands.

- Cordelia. Are you hearing? It's the police. Give me the gun. You are not a killer. Please, put the gun down. You need help.

- Help! HELP! I don't need help! I NEED YOU. I wanted this ring… I would have ripped her finger for it. This ring was supposed to be mine… mine… MINE… I had to see you kissing her. I had to hear you and her in the office. You took her to your FAMILY! You never did it to me. Do you have any idea of how many times I dreamed I'd be making love to you in the office? Angel, let me shoot her… I'll shoot her and we can be together forever.

- Cordelia. Put the gun down.

- It doesn't matter, does it? She is with you. You are with her. And you'll always remember what it was like to watch her die.

Angel held Buffy firmly behind him when she struggled to go to his side. He wouldn't let Cordelia hurt her.

- Angel.

- DON'T SAY HIS NAME… BITCH!

She roared, her finger itching at the trigger of the gun held with shaking hand. Suddenly, the gun went off!

**Chapter 54**

Buffy watched horrified as a blood stain formed in Angel's right shoulder. He sank to his knees, but Buffy supported his weight so he wouldn't hit the floor.

- Angel… Angel… Please… love… stay with me. Don't…

Tears were running down Buffy's cheeks. Buffy looked frantically around for the phone. Her voice was strangled.

- Oh, God! Where is your phone? Where is the phone?

- Buffy… Cold… sleep.

- I'm here. It is not cold. Hold my hand. Angel… you can't sleep. Please… I love you… tell me you love me.

- I… love… you.

- Angel, keep… keep… hearing me. Keep breathing. Please. Don't die. Don't die. I want… babies… and a dog… and a house… with you. I want to marry you dressing a white dress… Dammit, I can't breathe, taste or smell without you. I won't… be…able… to live.

- You… beautiful… white dress.

- I know, but for that you have… to live… live for me… I don't look good in black!

Buffy kissed Angel's lips. She took her shirt and started to compress his chest to try to stop the bleeding. Cordelia was sat in the other side of the room looking at Angel. She was rocking back and forth and saying repeatedly "I'm sorry, Angel". After a while a thud was heard but neither Buffy nor Angel could get out of their trance to see what it was.

- Buffy… Sleep…

- No. Don't. You can't. Hold it… please… I need you. I love you.

- Oh, my!

- Xander!

Buffy saw Xander, cops and a bunch of paramedics with stretchers. She looked around and saw Cordelia's body in the other side of the room. She had shot herself.

- Buffy!

- He is dying… don't let him die, please. Xander… I can't be without him.

The paramedics tried to take Angel from her, but she stayed around.

- Please, miss. We are here to help. You need to give us space.

Xander pulled a shaking Buffy in his arms while the paramedics lifted Angel onto a stretcher in no time. They put an IV into his arm and checked his pulse. He was still awake and was trying to whisper something through the oxygen mask.

- Who is Buffy?

- Me. I'm… his… fiancée.

- He is calling you. We are taking him to the hospital. You can come with us.

- Angel. I'm here. Don't fight the paramedics… they are here to help you… please… I'll be with you.

**Chapter 55**

It was past four in the morning when they had news. Buffy called his parents and Willow and Xander stayed with her. The waiting room was packed with his family. For a moment, out of nowhere, Buffy went into panic mode saying that Angel died and asking him to come back. But after a while she calmed down. Everyone was looking startled at her. It seemed she could see or sense things before they ever happened. She stood up even before the doctor appeared in the door.

- Angel O'Connor family.

- Here I… I am his fiancée and they are his parents. How… how is he?

- I'm Dr. Lorne. Angel survived. We lost him for a moment during his surgery…

Buffy's knee gave up and Xander had to support her. He and everyone in the room exchanged a look.

- Lost?

- He... He died during the procedure. But we could revive him. The shoot almost got his carotid artery, which would have been fatal to him, but fortunately, it was not the case. Only minor veins were affected besides his lung. However, he will be in the CCU because his state is still considered critical.

Buffy fainted.

- Buffy!

Everyone rushed to her side while Xander scoped her in his arms.

- She was with him during the shooting.

- Yes.

- Has someone taken a look at her?

- She didn't let anyone near her. She said she was fine.

- Better take her to the emergency room. She doesn't seem fine to me.

Buffy was taken to an examination room. One hour later a new doctor appeared to give them news.

- Buffy Summers's family.

- Everyone in the room. I'm her soon to be mother-in-law, Joyce O'Connor. How is she?

- I'm Dr. Kendra. She and the baby are ok. However, we will keep her sedate so she can rest.

- Baby… baby… is she pregnant?

- Yes. She is around three weeks. Nobody knew?

- We didn't know. I don't think they know either.

The doctor left while everyone exchanged hugs around.

**Chapter 56**

Buffy woke up from the sedatives in the middle of the afternoon to find Willow and Joyce by her side, memories washing over her. She felt dazed. When she spoke her voice was hoarse.

- Where am I, Will?

- Hospital. You fainted.

- How is Angel?

- Oh, Buffy sweet. Angel is still in the CCU. I came back from there a while ago. Dr. Lorne said probably tomorrow he will go to a private room.

- So, we can't see him yet.

- Well. You can see him from the window. He is still unconscious.

- Then I'll go.

- No, sweet. If you leave this bed before Dr. Kendra authorization, my son will kill me.

- I don't like Hospitals. Angel knows it.

- Yes. But I think that he will agree with me in this one.

Joyce and Willow were smiling at each other.

- Can someone tell me what is happening here? Why are you two looking like one of you won in the lottery?

- Buffy. Calm down. It won't be good for the baby if you are this agitated.

- Baby… What Baby? I am not pregnant… Am… I?

Joyce and Willow smiled at her and shook their heads yes.

- But… how..?

- _Buffy_, you don't really want us to explain to you how, do you?

- Oh, no no no. It is just that we took precautions. Oh my! I'm going to be a mommy?

- Yes.

Buffy gave both of them a big, bright smile, but them it went away.

- Buffy what?

- What if I lose the baby again?

- Nothing will happen, sweet. Didn't the baby survive everything yesterday?

**Chapter 57**

Buffy was released by Dr. Kendra and went to Angel's bedroom in the CCU area. There were several devices hooked to Angel's body and Buffy would have fainted from the sight if she were not already sat in a wheelchair. She approached the big window that framed one of the walls of the CCU and touched the glass.

- Hi, honey. When will you wake up? It's been two days almost. I miss seeing your eyes. Sorry I couldn't come early, but I was in the hospital too. You almost left us, didn't you? Don't do it again. I have something to tell you… I know we never talked about it, but…

Through the window Buffy saw Angel slowly stir and blink his eyes a few times obviously waking up and looking around for her voice. He finally saw her at the window and mouthed "I love you". One nurse went to check on him. Twenty four hours later he was transferred to a normal room.

Buffy sat near his bed holding his hand. She wanted so much see his eyes. Finally, she ran her hand through his hair and eyebrows causing him to wake.

- Hi

- Hi

- Oh, Angel. Don't do it again! I almost died when you went away.

- Are… you… why… are you… in a wheelchair?

- Shshshsh, baby. I'm ok. It is just that…

- What? What… happened? Shoot?

- No. I'm really well. The wheelchair is because I fainted outside and the doctors here don't want us moving around much.

- Us who?

- Angel. I know we never talked about it… but… I…

- Buffy… what… is… it? I… scared.

- Sorry… I… am pregnant. I swear I didn't do it on purpose you know that I was always concerned with safety.

- Are you bearing my child?

- Yes.

Angel looked at Buffy for some seconds and then opened a huge smile… that vanished a second later.

- Then, what are you doing here? You should be in a bed resting after everything. What? What is so funny about it?

- You. Your mother said the same thing. Don't kill her!

- Can you please kiss me? I don't think I can do more than stare at you.

Buffy was kissing him when the doctor arrived.

- I see our patient is awake.

- Yes. Can I leave and go home?

- No. Angel. Your fiancée has maybe certified us all that you are awake… and alive, but you will need more three or four days in here for minimal recovery.

- Buffy… what about Cordelia?

- Angel… I… sorry. She killed herself.

Angel's eye welled up.

- We… knew each other since… we were kids. I, she, Wes, Fred and Gunn were a pack. Why did she go like this? I mean. I never said anything to her to make her think we could have something.

- This is my entire fault.

- No, Buffy, no! You are not responsible for what other people do. We never saw it coming.

- Yeah. Maybe you are right, but…

- No buts. I'm right. She would be like this to any girl I loved. Now I want you to go home, take a shower and rest. Will you do it for me?

- Angel… I don't want to leave you.

- I won't go anywhere I promise. I won't die.

- I… felt it.

- I'm sorry. I didn't want to go. I guess they attended my prayers… or yours screams.

- Did you…?

- Yes. I did heard you.

- We are a pair, huh? Supernatural much now!

**Chapter 58**

After he left the hospital a year before they decided to start preparing their marriage. Buffy pregnancy was quite and the boys, twins, were born healthy and beautiful. She didn't want a big ceremony, just something simple and straightforward with only friends and family, although some paparazzi were unavoidable, but outside.

Angel halted his passing when the music finally was heard, which mean the woman of his dream would be his. His head riveted on the woman coming righteously to him down the aisle and his eyes welled up. He was a luck man. He hadn't seen her for almost seventy two hours and kept thinking all this time that she would not go through.

Buffy dress was of delicate Chiffon with embroidery, strapless neckline and sparkling bands trimming the midriff to the slightly dropped waistline. The soft, ball gown skirt was cascading streamers onto the chapel length train. She was absolutely beautiful with her glowing gold hair and was carrying a bouquet of lilies. She was beautiful.

Both Buffy and Angel were shaking when they had to say their vows. Angel had bought for them a new set of rings made of gold.

- In the presence of God and our friends, I take you Buffy Summers to be my wife promising with Divine assistance to be unto you a loving and faithful husband as long as we both shall live. Buffy Summers, I love you. Today is a very special day. Long ago you were just a dream and a prayer. Thank you for being what you are to me. With our future as bright as the promises of God, I will care for you, honor and protect you. I lay down my life for you my friend and my love.

- In the presence of God and our friends, I take you Angel O'Connor to be my husband promising with Divine assistance to be unto you a loving and faithful wife as long as we both shall live. Angel, because of you, I laugh, I smile, I dare to dream again. Your love gave me hope for today and tomorrow when I didn't think it possible. I look forward with great joy to spend the rest of my life with you, caring for you, nurturing you, being there for you in all life will throw to both of us. I give to you my heart. Be my friend and my love in our destiny together.

The reception after their marriage was done in her house. Their marriage cake was a three-tiered white cake with butter cream icing. The top and bottom tiers had chocolate filling, while the middle was filled with lemon. Each tier was topped with their initials in chrome lettering.

- Can I have the first dance Mrs. O'Connor?

- Yes. Kind Sir.

And they danced at the sound of Barry Manilow.

- You look amazing.

- You too.

- Did I say to you that I love you?

- Yes. But, I can hear it again. I won't get tired.

- I love you.

- I love you.

The Beginning!


End file.
